No. I will not DEFEND my Olympic title, but I sure am an intelligent individual and very proud of my daily efforts!

This past couple of weeks have been a little crazy. Apparently the Olympics are starting to come onto the media's radar and everyone wants a piece. I am more than happy to accommodate most requests, but I am just going to have to be smart in the way I manage it. I say this because I am starting to feel a little lack of balance, control and the ability to say NO. I don't want to disappoint anyone, but I also have to remember that my main priority right now is training.

Many days in the past week or so, I have found myself so tired of talking about my injury and the way training has been going that I just don't want to think about it anymore! The thing is, I need to keep fueling positive energy and thoughts into the recovery process. These are just a little hard to find when you feel drained.

One question that keeps coming up during interviews is this (surprise surprise):

Are you going to be able to DEFEND your Olympic title?

I will answer that one right now...NO.

No, I will not be able to defend it because it is not something that can be defended. I don't have to give it back. No one is going to come to my house and take the medal away. Once an athlete is an Olympic Champion, they are an OC forever. There is no defense, just an opportunity to win again. My friend and fellow Canadian Olympic Gold Medalist in wrestling, Daniel Igali, pointed this out to me. Great outlook. Makes me feel more at ease. Thanks dude.

So starting right now, I don't want to talk about a defense. I know it makes for a pressure filled story, but pressure is the last thing I need right now! I want to talk about how the possibility of winning AGAIN is my motivator. I want to talk about my team and how incredible they are. I want to talk about how huge of a victory it will be to compete in Beijing. I want to talk about how I am aiming to have my BEST performance. Typically Canadian, I know, but that was my goal in Athens and it is my goal for Beijing. Control what you can control...in gymnastics, that is ONLY your preparation and your own personal performance.

Over the past couple of weeks I have done interviews and photo shoots for McLean's, Go! Magazine, Hello! Mag, CBC Sports, Sportsnet and tons of National and local news and TV. Some of the photo shoots have been fun and made me feel like a celeb (I joked that it's a good thing I am already in Rehab! All I need now is to write a song, do some drugs and win 5 Grammy's!). Below are a couple of photos from the Hello! Mag shoot:




























During one particular interview with CBC, the producer (Karen, who reads this, so a big HELLO to you!) asked me some awesome questions. At one point I found myself talking about my intelligence and how I am proud of my efforts to this point. While I was saying it, it felt numbingly weird. I couldn't believe those words were coming out of my mouth. "I think I am an intelligent person" and "I am proud of myself" are not things that I commonly say out loud. I don't think many people do. But my question is: Why did it feel weird and why don't we say these types of things out loud more often?

When you say such a self-proclaiming statement, like "I am intelligent", you feel a little exposed...like you are standing there buck naked in front of the reporter!

I think we, as a society, have been conditioned to be humble and modest. We are told that it's bad etiquette to talk highly of ones self. We are afraid that others will feel intimidated by us, put off by our confidence and not accepting of our belief in ourselves. Seriously, how many times have you said out loud that you are intelligent or that you are really proud of yourself?

Try it...

Weird huh?!

I am one of the worlds most humble human beings. I actually loathe people who are conceited. It's one of my pet peeves when someone talks about themselves and everything that they are so awesome at! Shut the *#%& up!

But you know what? I think it's about time that we start being proud of ourselves, recognizing our efforts, focusing on our strengths (don't forget about your weaknesses...but don't obsess about them) and giving ourselves compliments.

We need to start focusing more on what we CAN do and less on what we CAN NOT do.

We need to be proud of the effort we put forth and stop focusing on what we could have and should have done, but didn't.

I commit this crime often. I have a hard time being proud of myself and recognizing my strengths. I focus on my weaknesses and always believe that I can be better than I am. To some, this could be considered a strength. I consider it a deterrent. It's negative thinking. It is focusing more on the HAVE NOTS than on the HAVES.

It's very liberating to look at yourself, your actions and your efforts and be content. To come home and know that you did everything you set out to do on that day is a great feeling. I want to try and live my life like this every day.

So, off I go, to conquer the world with my intellectual powers and to put forth an effort that I will be proud of! (I am such a dork)

Kyle

CANADA vs- USA

A couple of weekends ago, our team had a camp with the Americano's and then faced off against them in a friendly competition. It was a little bit early in the year for the guys to be completely prepared, but they did a good job! GO-CANADA-GO!

When I initially heard about the camp back a month ago or so, I decided that I would not attend, not only because I would be just returning from Hawaii, but I also didn't want to be embarrassed by not being in the shape that I want to be in.

It's kind of weird how I write and show my progress on this blog, but I don't want people to actually see my efforts up close and personal. I guess I feel like I am risking a little bit more when I am exposing my weaknesses. No matter how hard you try, you feel like a little bit of an idiot when people who are your competitors are able to see exactly how far behind them you are. It's not the greatest feeling for you, but probably a pretty good feeling for them! Ha, Kyle can't even run yet...team Canada is so screwed! I thought it would be better to have them wonder, or check out this blog, than to let them know where I really am in the gym. Not that I am disappointed with where I am, I am just not at a point where I want to show off my stuff to my competition!

Anyway, I watched the meet on Friday night and the USA won. Darn it! The Americans looked good though. Blaine Wilson is back...33 years old...that's flippin' insane! The Canadian guys looked good too. So good, I took pictures of them all for you to see (Bow chicka wah wah):


















































































In order of appearance: Adam Wong (A Wong), Nathan Gafuik (Nate, Nate Dog or Naysin), Ken Ikeda (Kenji), David Kikuchi (Dave, DK...creative, I know!), Grant Golding (G or G-spot (we're a bunch of guys, give us a break!)) and Brandon Oneill (Busy B or B sac...). I don't really have a nick name, although the guys at U of C sometimes call me Spesh (like Special K) or Shewfly.

And a couple more contenders for Olympic spots, Casey Sandy (Case) and Jared Walls (J-rad or Troll) but they didn't compete:


































I wanted to take a moment to show off my team. These guys are awesome! I know that I get a lot of the media attention, but every single one of these guys has been extremely committed to gymnastics for their entire life as well. Each one of these guys has represented Canada at major international competitions. Each one of these guys is dreaming about achieving amazing results in China. Each one of these guys basically eats, sleeps and breathes gymnastics right now and I think that they deserve exposure and recognition just as much as I do.

I want everyone to know that I would not have been able to achieve the results I have without my team. We push each other and we support each other. I want everyone to know that these were the guys who qualified this team to the Olympics. I want everyone to know that this team is going to surprise a lot of people in Beijing. This is the best that Canada has ever had (sorry to all of you past National team members out there, but it's true!). We achieved history in 2006 by coming 5th in the qualification (behind the super powers China, Japan, Russia and Romania) and 6th in the finals. I have a feeling that more historical results are going to be earned in Beijing!

I can't wait to get back into the mix and show that I deserve the honor of competing alongside these awesome athletes, and more importantly, incredible individuals.

Thanks for your support guys (and we'll get our revenge on the USA in China!),


Kyle

McDonald's should give me a call! Or anyone else who is interested in my proposal!

I had this idea...I don't know if it will work, but I am going to test my theory and hope it does! My theory is this: I am going to make a partnership proposal here and hope that it somehow reaches the right person.

I want to create a corporate partnership with McDonald's. Why, you might ask? Well, for one, I sure LOVE my international Big Macs! It has become a sort of tradition for me to try one from each country I visit. Yum! There's just something comforting about 2 patties between sesame seed buns, processed cheese and that delicious special sauce when you are eating mystery meat that has been slathered in sweet and sour goop in Beijing! (Come to think of it, I didn't see ANY stray dogs while I was there either...I don't even want to know). But more importantly, I believe that I would be their PERFECT athlete ambassador.

I am a master at school visits. I love doing them...if I had my choice, I would do the majority of my speaking engagements at schools for the rest of my career.

When I do corporate talks I have fun, I get paid well and I always meet really interesting people, but I feel that I am affecting (really affecting) maybe 10% of the group. As adults we are already set in our ways. We have established our values, we are working towards our dreams and we, to put it bluntly, are quite jaded. Sure, an Olympic Gold Medal speaker can inspire you to work harder, set goals, believe that great things will happen in your life, but generally, we listen for the hour, hear some funny stories, go home, tell our loved ones and then go ahead with business as usual the very next day. I might not be speaking for everyone, but I am just admitting to what I do. I have heard some of the best speakers in the "athlete speaker" industry, and I always gain some knowledge and perspective, but I generally don't feel "saved" or "re-directed" after they speak. I always feel like I know them better, and that I like them better and want to hang out with them after they are done and ask them questions about their experiences, but I don't feel like I am a new man after anyone speaks.

*Holy crap, I just read that back and it sounds like I am dissing my fellow speakers and discrediting them and myself, but I am just trying to be honest and realistic. Half the time people are thinking more about those emails in their inbox that need to be answered or about what they are going to cook for dinner than about how the athlete standing before them is the coolest person in the world and how they themselves want to compete in the Olympics!

When I go to schools, I feel like I am affecting 90% of the kids (-vs- the 10% of corporate listeners). I feel like they think I am the coolest person in the world and that they genuinely want to compete in the Olympics (or play in a rock band...or be a scientist...whatever)!

I remember being a kid and being so inspired by Olympic athletes...I didn't even meet an Olympic Gold Medalist until 2002 when I met Catriona Le May Doan at the Alberta Sport Awards. I was so intimidated by her (and the whole experience of having to give a thank-you speech!), but she came up to me with that giant white smile of hers, congratulated me on my accomplishments and was very genuine and down to earth. She is still a huge role model for me (and now a friend and one of my favourite athlete speakers by the way! Great work on Countdown, Cat!), but just being in her presence inspired me.

I feel like I somewhat have this awe inspiring affect on kids too when I share my stories and experiences with them at their schools.

I have this video of me when I was 9 years old. I was named the "athlete of the week" by the local news and got a profile done on the 11 o'clock news. My parents actually let me stay up to watch it and I remember being mortified when I saw it on TV. I couldn't believe that I looked and sounded the way I did (believe it or not, my voice has changed a lot since then...). Anyway, I am so glad that I got that interview on tape because it is friggin' GOLDEN! In one part, the reporter asks me what my goal is. I look at him straight in the eye and say, "I want to go to the Olympics and win!". 9 years old. What the hell? How did I have such a defined goal? How did I actually believe that it was possible. How in the world did it actually become reality and how lucky am I that my mom taped it on VHS?!

I show this video to the kids at the beginning of my school visits. I show it to them for 3 reasons.

1: Because I want them to see what level of gymnastics I was doing then... the basic elements -vs- the difficult one's I do in my Olympic video.
2: I want them to see that I was a 'normal' kid, just like they are.
3: I want them to see that dreams really do come true.

Of course I explain to them that I worked hard, had many ups and downs (haven't done a school visit with the broken legs addition yet, but that will be fun!), but I also tell them that I never stopped believing in myself and my goals.

After the "thought provoking" section, where we cover all kinds of topics ranging from active living, making healthy choices, goal setting, being a good teammate and embracing challenges with a positive attitude, we get into the really good stuff...the Olympic Gold Medal cartwheel competition! A fan favourite...and my personal fave as well.

In the cartwheel contest I bring up 3 contestants (one usually being a promising gymnast (every school has one!) leaked to me by a teacher). Then I assign them a country (the "gymnast" of the group being the 'Canadian'!). I get each student to perform their very best cartwheel for the school. Based on audience applause (they are the judges...nice and fair judges, not mean and cranky ones!), we determine the winner of "Kyle Shewfelt's Olympic Gold Medal Cartwheel Competition (still need to get that trademarked)". The Canadian always wins, of course, because I get veto vote! Then the 2nd and 3rd place competitors receive a parting gift and the winner stands up on a podium (a chair in most instances) and gets the REAL Olympic Gold Medal placed around their neck. Now here's the coolest part, and the moment that gives me goose bumps every time: all of the audience stands up and honours the winner with a heart warming rendition of "Oh Canada". It is a fun and truly powerful moment.

To conclude, I do a few handstands, answer some audience questions (they always want to know if I drive and what kind of car...blue VW Golf) and of course, remind the students that if they work hard and dream BIG then anything is possible! Woot woot!

Now, here's what would be the perfect scenario for me. If McDonald's, or any other corporate partner for that matter (let's make this an open invitation and drive up the interest!), would financially back my school visits. I do every school visit for free (except for private schools). My mom and aunt work at schools in Calgary and I know that schools simply don't have enough funds to buy supplies, let alone bring in an athlete speaker. It's hard for me to do a lot of school visits because of the time and energy commitment it takes for literally no financial advancement (holy, am I ever politically correct!), but if I could make schools my primary speaking venue then I would be on cloud nine. I think that I could affect a lot of youth and encourage them to get active, set goals and believe that they have the potential to do incredible things!

If I could say what my ideal post-Beijing experience would be, I would have to say that touring the country and sharing my experiences at schools would be it.

In today's world, full of hideous role models (Crack head Spears...I just ruined my chances of ever being with her, but Oh well, she's nasty) and sedentary lifestyle (although Wii is making a small difference), kids need someone to look up to who they can relate to and who can inspire them. I believe I am the man who can do just that. My vision is clear...all I need is a financial partner to support the opportunity. Promotional plugs could be very abundant...autograph cards with your logo, potentially the "YOUR COMPANY'S NAME HERE Gold Medal Cartwheel competition, a contest for schools to win the visit, YOUR COMPANY's representative in 'said city' could introduce me...media and print mentions...hmmm.....


Any takers???

If you are interested, you know someone who might be interested or have a connection that could lead to this actually happening, please email my friends at Agenda Sport Marketing at kyle@agendasport.ca

Thanks and I apologize for the propaganda. I just really want to find a way to make this dream a reality!

Kyle

National Post - February 24, 2008

Shewfelt gains perspective through recovery process

Vicki Hall, Canwest News Service Published: Sunday, February 24, 2008
Photo by Grant Black, Canwest News Service

CALGARY - A girl roughly 10 years old approached Kyle Shewfelt the other day and timidly asked the Olympic gold medallist for his autograph.

"We read about your injury in the paper," the girl's mother said. "My daughter fell off a horse around the same time, and she crushed her foot. You were an inspiration for her.

"She's doing fine now. She got back on a horse for the first time in January."

"Were you scared the first day back?" Shewfelt asked his speechless fan.

The girl nodded her head.

"Yah, me too," he said, leaning back on a crash mat at the Calgary Olympic Centre. "But you got over it, right?"

The girl nodded in the affirmative. Shewfelt grinned.

One more uplifting story to help him on the journey to recovery in time for the Beijing Olympics.

One more reason to believe in his chances to rise above the odds.

"When I get to Beijing - if everything gets together, and I'm there - it's going to be the biggest victory of my career," Shewfelt said. "Probably bigger than winning an Olympic gold medal because of everything I've had to overcome"

Shewfelt's Olympic hopes came crashing to Earth, literally, last August when he botched a landing in training at the World Gymnastics Championships in Germany. Doctors determined he broke both knees, sustained ligament damage and chipped a bone.

At first, Shewfelt figured he would be out for six weeks. Maximum. Nothing could keep him out of the gym in the lead-up to defending his 2004 gold from Athens.

Absolutely nothing.

Or so he thought.

"I thought I would be able to overcome it and come back really fast," he said. "And then I had surgery, and I thought I was going to die. I couldn't believe the pain."

The 25-year-old needed help to dress himself. To climb into the shower. To get up and make a sandwich.

"I think the lowest of the lows was about two weeks after the surgery," he said. "I was starting to watch my body going from being super fit to sitting on my butt. I was going a little crazy.

"You start to watch your muscles go. Your legs go skinny. You have to rely on everyone to do everything for you."

But Shewfelt refused to wallow in self-pity. He followed the instructions of his doctor and physiotherapist. In time, he had the braces removed from both legs and climbed out of his wheelchair.

"I think I've gained a lot of perspective," he said. "I appreciate what I can do - not that I didn't before, but I felt so happy when I could walk, when I could jog, when I did my first back handspring."

Shewfelt fell off the high bar the other day and uncharacteristically let a four-letter word slip - even though it's a victory for him to even be up there in the first place so soon after surgery.

"It doesn't feel amazing when you land on your knees, especially after having them cut open a few months ago," he said. "It's almost like someone is scraping them with a cheese grater."

With the Olympics less than six months way, Shewfelt can hear time ticking in his head. Not a single day of training goes to waste. He can't afford it.

"Today needs to be better than yesterday and tomorrow needs to be better than today," he said. "I'm on a strict timeline."

In spite of the looming deadline, national team coach Edouard Iarov expects Shewfelt to defend his gold medal in Beijing.

"Kyle is doing great," Iarov said. "We had a camp in Calgary last week, and he trained really good. His legs are getting much better. He will be ready for nationals in June.

"We have six months until the Olympic games, so I think he will be in good shape."
Shewfelt is a realist. There's no way to speed up his recovery. And there is no insurance against setbacks in his recovery.

He can train hard every day. He can look after his body. He can think positive and believe in his chances.

Otherwise, he has to let go of the outcome.

The final chapter of the story has yet to be written.

"I want my legacy to be one of an athlete who fought until the end and gave it everything he had," Shewfelt said. "I want to have no regrets at the end of it."




Edmonton Journal

Maui

My trip to Maui was phenomenal!

Maui= Paradise

Really, it does. I decided that I need to go at least once every couple of years, if not every year (rumor is that I might host the same trip again next year!). I love the attitude, the relaxed environment, the weather....It's a place where you can really come back to your 'normal' life feeling completely refreshed and energized.

The group of 40 guests that I was hosting were all incredible individuals, which made the trip even that much more enjoyable. They were all my kind of people. Easy going, great conversationalists and everyone knew how to relax and have a good time.

The week started out on Tuesday morning with a brunch/lunch cooking class taught by Canada's best chef from 2006, Makoto Ono. An amazing guy as well by the way (he's also in the process of opening a restaurant in Beijing called "Makoto". I better get VIP man!) ! It was an opportunity for everyone to meet each other and to get into the Maui mode..aka: 'fun, not a care in the world, where's my beer/rum beverage mode"!

(me, Kim, Makoto and Pete...the fantastic four!)

During the week we had lots of planned activities (all coordinated by Gold Medal Plates' amazing fundraising coordinator and great friend of mine, Kim Dal Bianco), such as a snorkel/whale watching tour (apparently I get sea sick, which is a horrible feeling!), watching the sun rise on top of the Haleakala volcano (one of the most inspiring scenes in the world), zip lining (what a fun adventure! Kind of like swinging on the highbar) and a fantastic day chilling at the beach (I even got a bit of a tan, whoo hoo!).

We also had a GIANT party on Friday night and I somehow became the bartender...I don't know who assumed that I can mix a mad drink, but they assumed right! The highlight for me, in terms of the experience of hosting a group of guests, was this bash on Friday. Everyone was laughing, sharing stories and being a little crazy, but we were in Maui and we were taking full advantage of the opportunity! I love it when a group of total strangers can come together and create an energetic atmosphere...the coolest part about this experience was that everyone here was brought together by Canadian sport.

All of the guests that were present had a tremendous respect and appreciation for Canada's amateur athletes. I don't know if the guests realize this, I hope they do, but while we were having an incredible experience in Maui, the proceeds from the Gold Medal Plates events ($900,000+ by the way!) are going towards helping Canadian athletes achieve podium success in 2008, 2010 and beyond. Every time I felt even a little bit guilty about missing training for a week, I just remembered that I was actually helping all of my teammates out by being there!

I've got to be honest, I was a little misbehaved a few times, but I stuck to my previous stated goals and did something physical every day! I went for jogs, did pilates in my condo, handstands on the beach...I even curled 10 lb watermelons. Now that's creative dedication folks.

I am a little bit of a freak sometimes and I worry that I am going to lose everything if I take a week off. I try not to worry, but when you are used to training 6 days a week and having this routine, you can't help it when you feel a little lazy.

Actually, here's a story: When I was a kid, I stayed in Calgary with my Grandma over Christmas while my parents and brother went to visit my dad's family in Manitoba (Hi Shewfelt family!). I didn't go with them because I couldn't fathom missing training, especially over Christmas break when competition season was quickly approaching. I don't regret this decision at all, but sometimes I look back and wonder if I would have really been THAT far behind if I had gone away.

Now that I am older, wiser and more experienced, I am learning that a week off can actually be a really great thing. I am NOT going to lose everything in one week. In fact, sometimes a week off is perfect to recover, regroup and let loose a little before getting strict with yourself.

Since becoming an adult athlete, I have always worked in cycles. Sometimes I have a hard time being ultra focused. I wish that I could be that athlete who is 100% all about their sport and training all the time. I'm not. I like beer. I like staying out late. I like having time with my non-gymnastic friends. I like not taking my vitamins and not putting chalk on my hands! But when it comes time, usually a few months before a big competition, I get tunnel vision. Single minded focus. I sleep right, eat right, make detailed plans, take all of my vitamins, ice right after practice, say no to Friday night get togethers...I make gymnastics my main priority.

I believe that I am able to do this because I don't drive myself crazy by doing it all the time.

Burnout=Bad

Overall, Maui was exactly what I needed, just a little escape from the daily grind of this comeback. I desperately wanted to compete at Worlds, do well and then take a sweet vacation. That didn't happen because I kind of broke my legs. haha. I was instantly faced with a new challenge, the hardest one of my life, and I have had no break basically since last winter. I guess you could argue that sitting on my arse for a month was kind of a break, but it wasn't a mental break at all. It was all consuming and exhausting. Maui gave me a week of mind rest. This rest has made me feel so AWESOME! AWESOME AWESOME AWESOME. I have gained a lot of clarity. I feel balanced, happy, optimistic, hungry (not for food! for progress!) and focused. My batteries have been charged to full power! Watch out.

I went in to training on Wednesday morning and did my weight program with my strength trainer, Mac Read. It was a good day because it gave me some piece of mind and confirmation that Maui was much needed. After taking a week off, I did even more weighted chin ups in my sets (4 sets of maximum with a 30 lb weight vest with 1 minute rest in between each set...it burns...a lot!) than I had done before I left. My squats improved, my range of motion increased. I didn't lose anything at all...in fact, I think I actually gained something!

Bring on the challenges! Hawaii has given me a tremendous amount of strength!

Kyle

Calgary Herald Article

Here is an article that appeared in today's Calgary Herald

Beijing dreams back on track

Canucks eager for Shewfelt's return

Kristen Odland, Calgary HeraldPublished: Saturday, February 23, 2008

If you asked Kyle Shewfelt about his summer plans, he'd be lying if he said a specific destination hadn't crossed his mind.

But regardless how quickly the Beijing Summer Olympics are approaching, the 2004 Olympic gold medallist realizes exercising patience is likely a better idea at the moment.

After all, bounding back from a double-knee injury, invasive surgery and extensive rehabilitation onto the parallel bars doesn't exactly happen overnight.

"There's never been a timeline that's been given to me," said Shewfelt. "Even when I had surgery, it wasn't like: 'OK, in three months, you'll be better' . . ."

"Generally, for what my injury was, it takes a long time to recover.

"I've heard people who've fractured both tibias who, after a year, haven't been fully recovered."

Last fall, at Canada's Olympic qualifiers at the world gymnastics championships in Stuttgart, Germany, Shewfelt was in town for merely three days when he sustained the most serious injury of his career.

The undisputed leader of the Canadian men's gymnastics squad hyperextended both of his knees after performing a difficult landing in practice.

"It was almost like a bad dream," said Shewfelt.

"It happened and it was reality, but it was the worst scenario. I was at world championships, I was ready to compete, it was an Olympic qualifier for our team -- it was really bad timing.

"Not like there's any good timing (for an injury) but that was awful timing."

At the time, Canada's chances to secure a trip to the Beijing Olympics were significantly reduced without him, but the remainder of the team pulled it together and finished 11th overall.

But there wasn't good news waiting for him back at home.

Aside from breaking both his knees, his team of specialists in Calgary informed him he'd sustained ligament damage plus chipped off a piece of his bone.

Within days of landing on Canadian soil, he was in surgery.

"The severity of (the injury) actually came into play when I couldn't do what I mentally thought I should be able to do," he explained.

"But they say with an injury like this, it plateaus for a long time. And then, all of a sudden, you really start to build -- you start to move forward.

"And I'm feeling like I'm at that point right now."

Near the end of October, he hit the gym again.

Since he couldn't walk, hang or swing, Shewfelt had to focus on his upper body and was only able to perform chin-ups and handstands with assistance.

When 2008 hit, however, he was able to start practising routine gymnastics moves. And lately, running seems to be his main issue.

But with Canada starting down the road to Beijing, which began on Friday in a friendly team match against the U.S., you'd think he's getting antsy.

Or maybe even a little impatient?

"It's on my mind every second of every day," said Shewfelt, a product of Calgary's National Sport School.

"It's my everything right now . . . but I also know there's a lot of steps that have to happen before I'm there.

"Even if I wasn't injured, I don't think I'd be thinking about competing at the Olympics today.

There's still five months to go. There's a lot of buildup towards the peak.

"It's in my mind every day, but I try not to obsess about it."

While he was out of commission for this weekend, the Canadian team feels Shewfelt is way ahead of the game.

"On or ahead of schedule if anything, in fact," said Jeff Thomson, the Canadian men's program director.

"He's back tumbling again on a special tumbling floor. We think that's very remarkable and we're very pleased he's already able to tumble this soon after such a serious injury," said Thomson.

"We're very optimistic."

kodland@theherald.canwest.com

© The Calgary Herald 2008

photo by Grant Black

Anonymous Kindness

When I returned from Maui (post to come...I promise) I stumbled across something that was quite random. It was very unexpected and one of the most thoughtful gestures I have ever experienced.

This is what happened: I reached into my mailbox, expecting a pile up of bills and possibly the latest copy of International Gymnast Magazine, when I found a tiny envelope addressed to me. It didn't have a return address, which I thought was weird, but I opened it anyways. Inside was a letter that read:

Kyle,

I'm writing to you because I know that you're going through a particularly trying time right now. I know you must also be feeling an enormous amount of pressure, which probably has less to do with defending your title as much as it has to do with not wanting to disappoint people. Well, I can't speak for absolutely everyone, but I know I represent a large majority who - no matter how this year turns out - will always think of you as a champion.

I say this not only in reference to your amazing impact on your sport, but also to your character. You are gracious, kind-hearted, hard-working and a true role model.

I hope, as you're trying everything you can to get back into competition form, that you remember you're STILL the world's best gymnast. And not only that - you're the world's best gymnast who is also courageously breaking through mental and physical barriers, that maybe no other gymnast could possibly handle. This is the reality of your situation: you already are an inspiration. You're just taking it to a new level now.

Keep believing in your dreams and yourself - you have a great gift that extends beyond your floor routine.

~.


What a powerful, inspirational and thoughtful letter. The only thing is, I have no idea who sent it. It was not signed and I don't recognize the handwriting. It was simply an anonymous act of kindness and it brought me so much hope.

Whoever it was who took the time to send this special gift, I thank you.


I sometimes ask myself the question: Why am I fighting this battle?

It became more clear to me today. I am fighting it because I want to look back on my career and know that I made a difference. I want to show the importance of never giving up and the power of a dream.

Apparantly, I am already well on my way.


I hope you have a wonderful day and if you get the chance, take a moment to tell someone how special they are...even if it is anonymously.

Kyle

Training Camp

This past week, we had our first National Team Training Camp of 2008 with our National Coach, Edouard Iarov. It was kind of an impromptu camp (my favourite...yeah right!) and it was held at my home club, the University of Calgary (except on Wednesday when we trained at Calgary Gymnastics Centre).

I didn't really know what to expect of the week. I wanted to keep on my own pace and not push myself too far beyond my limits of comfort, but I also knew that you have to expect the unexpected when it comes to camp! No matter how hard you try not to, you always end up pushing yourself more when the National coach is watching you train!

The first day of the camp was not as positive for me as I would have liked it to have been. I got a little cranky and down because I felt really behind everyone else.

Don't get me wrong, my team looks awesome. Everyone has some new skills, everyone is pushing themselves hard and everyone is starting to get into routine shape. Everyone except for me! I try my best not to compare myself to others and to just focus on doing my plan, but it's impossible not to compare one's self to your teammates when you are fighting against them for a spot on the Olympic team. You want to make each turn the best it can be and also make it look like it was really easy. Not the easiest of things to do when everything you are doing is hard for you to do! haha.

After leaving the first day of camp feeling like I had shied away and backed down, not wanting to really try too hard because then I would be revealing how far behind I really was, I got pissed. I was so mad at myself that I wasted a day. I don't have many left, and to waste one on being self-conscious made me feel super guilty.

I have come a long way and have made tremendous progress, but I kind of forget this when I compare myself to where everyone else is and to where a "gymnast" should generally be 6 months before the Olympics. I am trying not to let that stress me too much, but it's hard not to think about it sometimes. I am trying to trust that I am doing everything possible and that I am exactly where I need to be, but it's just hard being in a training camp and feeling really far behind.

I think one of the things that got me a bit down was that I haven't had any direct external expectation during this whole recovery process, and now all of a sudden I had it, in full force. I have made it very known to everyone around me that I am doing all that I can and I can't handle anyone judging my effort right now. All I need is encouragement and a positive atmosphere. I don't think that Edouard intentionally puts expectations on me, but I think it's just generally his job to want to see me perform at my best. I was feeling a little timid to even try a skill because I felt like I was going to get an instant correction...something that I absolutely hate when I getting back into shape and re-learning everything. I am the type of gymnast who basically knows what went wrong when it goes wrong and if I don't then I will ask what went wrong. It might not be the most envious of attitudes, but I have always worked this way. Just let me get into the groove and ask for help when I am ready for it!

Anyway, on the second day, after some reflection and a decision to tell that negative voice to shut the hell up, my attitude improved ten fold. I was a man on a mission. I became focused on MY tasks and open to corrections (even if I let a few flow in one ear and out the other...). I had a way better day and it set a great tone for the rest of the camp.

I gained a lot more trust in myself and my body this week. I tumbled like a mad man and started to feel like I coming close to being a real gymnast again. I was swinging with ease, taking tons of productive turns, making sure that everything on my "to do" list was completed. I also tried to really encourage my teammates (they really did look great!) and joke with Edouard. He started to understand that I needed positive encouragement and he even gave it to me! It was an awesome moment for me when he told me that I was further along then he thought and that he has no doubt in my ability to be my best in Beijing. That's always a nice thing to hear from the National Coach!

I like creating environments where there is momentum, spark and enthusiasm. What I'm realizing more and more is that in order to constantly be in these environments, I am going to have to be the one who brings these qualities. I am a way better athlete when I am enjoying myself.

Check out the videos:

(This is my Yurchenko vault drill that I created on Wednesday's training at Calgary Gymnastics Centre. I still can't run though...which makes me a little frustrated...it will come!)

(3 Front Layouts in a row! This actually felt rather normal, but I stopped after 2 on one turn and it hurt the ol' knee a bit...as long as I keep the momentum moving forward then it's all good)

(Whip Back Series...notice Edouard by the vault watching closely!)

(Backspring Series to..............................a full twisting double back! This felt phenomenal. I love flying through the air!)

(This was actually from Sunday's training...pardon my french as I ping off the bar...a little S bomb. oops. It doesn't feel amazing when you land on your knees, especially after having them cut open a few months ago. It's almost like someone is scraping them with a cheese grater. This was the first Def that I have attempted to catch, but after missing this one, I got up again and caught it! Sweet! Also notice the lack of curly mess on my head...I got a buzz yesterday)

I am glad the past week turned out to be so productive because now I won't feel too guilty when I am chillin' on the beach in Maui during this upcoming week! I am going on Monday to host all of the live auction winners from the Gold Medal Plates events in the fall. It is going to be a fantastic week and I only have 3 goals: 1. Keep in shape as best I can, 2. Make sure everyone has an incredible time, 3. Relax and conserve some energy to give the next 179 days absolutely everything I have!

Aloha!

Kyle

Best Week Yet!

This was my most rockin' week yet! I filmed a lot of it...I kind of felt like that parent who wants to capture every new expression on their newborns face! This was a monumental week for me as I started to trust my legs a lot more. I pushed myself and as I am writing this, I am definitely feeling the burn! My muscles are so sore!

On floor I did a front handspring with a double twist (on the fiberglass floor with a mat, but it's actually a difficult move!)



As you can see, the first one wasn't stellar, but I was a little worried about what it would feel like when I punched into the floor. It did hurt a bit, more in the front of my knee cap, but it felt way better than I anticipated so that was motivating...so motivating that I had to resort back to my perfectionist tendencies and do it again as shown below!

Next, I decided that I needed to try some backwards tumbling. I put a couple of mats in just as protection and I did my first roundoff backhandspring back layout. Yeah, that's a flip! On the floor. Holla! This was on Monday.

Then, on Tuesday, I did a double twist. That's the way I work. If I trust that I can take off then twisting isn't a problem. I just have to know that my knees aren't going to explode on the impact of takeoff. So of course, on Thursday I needed to try a 2.5 twist as shown below:

(Also, please ignore my messy mop. It looks pretty hideous and dirty in these videos. I have been growing my hair out for entertainment and it is becoming slightly fro-ish. Curly hair is not the best for the get up and go lifestyle that I have been leading...a buzz is in the cards for the next week, before I go to Hawaii on the 11th! Haha, just watched the vid and that is Nate zooming across at the end...what a goof!)

In my routine I actually do do a 2.5 twist, but I do it out of a whip back. A whip is a backhandspring with no hands. It is a little more difficult than a backhandspring because you have to have more speed and more momentum in order to complete it correctly. These are two words that scare me a bit right now; speed and momentum. Why? Because they usually equal pain! I decided to bite the bullet though and give a simple whip back a chance.

It turned out better than I thought. I actually felt quite strong and quick...kind of like Kyle Shewfelt circa pre-broken legs! So naturally, I pushed myself (as I tend to do) and I managed to complete a whip back into a 2.5 twist (notice only one mat as well in the vid below!).

I also regained my Tkatchev on highbar.

I didn't catch, but catching is no problem. Releasing is always the scary part, especially when you haven't done it in a long time. I shouldn't have any fear towards this element because I have been doing it since the early nineteen hundred and nineties, but I had a few butterflies in my stomach. I was relieved when I did it and it felt so normal. I actually had a little bit of an emotional moment after this turn because I instantly gained confidence and felt like there was actually a possibility that I could be even better than I have ever been in Beijing.

I have been so focused on just getting back that I haven't been focusing on being better than I was. I think this is an important element in everyday life. You have to always believe that you can go beyond what you have already done. It makes everything seem so much more positive...that is if you enjoy a challenge, which apparently I thrive on!

Today, Friday, (or another Thursday because it was a grand day as well!) Susan and I met up with Dr.Mohtadi to talk about that burning pain I have been feeling in my left thigh. Even though I have had super progress this week, I have still been dealing with that pain consistently. It is really inhibiting my ability to run (don't know if you noticed, but I am doing all tumbling from a jump hurdle because I can't engage my hamstrings enough yet to run fast). Anyway, it was decided that Dr.Mohtadi would inject a local anesthetic into the tendon at very bottom of the plate to see if it would provide some relief. Apparently where the plate is, the hamstring attaches and the pain I am getting is because the plate is ultra-sensitive. You know when you have a bruise and someone pushes on it really hard and you want to knock them out? Yeah, multiply that with an intense burn up your leg and that is the pain I get when the bottom of my plate is pushed. Doesn't feel great.

Well, I was the lucky winner of an injection this morning...right after it was suggested. I was totally on board, but I HATE needles, especially BIG one's being stabbed into my knee. Susan, the amazing physio that she is, consoled me as the GIANT needle went in and I almost died. It was fast, but holy F***, did it hurt!

The good news is, it almost completely resolved the burning pain, which is a great sign. I could almost run like a normal athlete and as time progressed and I got more warmed up, I felt better and better.

Check out this video of my best backhandspring series yet, filmed today! 100% pain free with a double pike at the end...where did that come from?!

Overall, looking back on this week, I made leaps and bounds forward. I pushed myself hard. I smiled and had tons of fun in the gym. I looked forward to each and every training and came in with a plan. I did more each day than I had the day before.

This is all I want.

Now, it's time for a much deserved Saturday off!

Kyle

Guardian Angel

Do you ever feel that some people are put into your life for a reason? I am not a religious person, but I do believe that my physiotherapist, Susan Massitti, was generously placed into my life to make it better. I like to refer to her as my red headed guardian angel!


Susan has been there for me through every step of this injury and I am so thankful for her presence.

She was there for me seconds after I landed and my legs crunched. After I bent them towards my chest and the muscles went into protection mode and locked, she helped me get them straight again (That was one of the most uncomfortable feelings in the world).

She was there at the hospital when I had the MRI's and she was the one who comforted me when I found out that I had indeed broken my legs and couldn't compete. I cried, out of sadness and shock, and she just held her hand on my shoulder and rubbed my back until I was able to suck it up and realize it was reality.

Susan phoned our surgeon from Germany minutes after we arrived back at the hotel. She sent the films of the MRI's and xrays back to Canada and made sure that the lines of communication were open with everyone back in Calgary. She really has held the support team together.

Susan and I even did some physio and mobility exercises the day after the injury and tried to keep things positive for the rest of the team.




She injected me with a needle in my stomach everyday while we were in Germany so that my blood wouldn't clot when we flew home. She laughed with me, cried with me and kept me intrigued with intelligent conversation and enlightening perspective. Her company while I was bored out of my mind sitting around doing nothing in Stuttgart was irreplaceable.



She took me downtown for a Big Mac, bought my customary bottle of wine (I always get one from each new city I visit) and made sure that all of my needs were met...she even helped me pack my suitcase.












(packing is very hard when you can't stand and move around a room!)





When we flew home, Susan made all of the arrangements for wheelchair access. I am laughing as I'm writing this because man, did we have some fun times! It is a crazy experience travelling when you can't weight bear and we were able to make it the most enjoyable experience that it could be!






When we were at the Frankfurt airport, the idiots working at the AirCanada check-in (yes, that's right, AirCanada) were going to make me fly in economy class with 2 busted legs...and they call themselves an Olympic sponsor. BS. Anyway, Susan got so pissed that the guy finally did us the favour (what a kind soul he was!) of letting me have a complimetary upgrade. I just can't get over how nice that was of him! A-hole. But Susan had to sit in economy and kept coming up to make sure my blood hadn't clotted while I sat with my legs straight out in front of me, not being able to move!




Susan was in the operating room for my sugery and even held my hand as I got put under! It was so nice to be able to have a trusted and familiar face in that room because everything was happening so fast and I didn't really know what to think.

A week after surgery, Susan set up the appointment with Dr.Aung with her VIP connections! She has this incredibly organic and spiritual side to her that just radiates. She is a true healer, leader and guide.

Susan and I have spent countless hours together, some being the most frustrating and painful times of my life. She has not only been a physiotherapist, she has been a wonderful and true friend. I genuinely look forward to each physio session because I know that I will not only come one step closer to being healed, but I am going to gain knowledge and good karma! I just frickin' hate having needles poked into my inner thigh!

Susan has also played the role of "official" photographer during the rehab process like the first day that I rode the bike!

This nasty little bubble (think of it what you want...I thought it looked like a giant testicle growing out of my leg!) is called cupping. It's a new technique that we are trying in order to suck the bad stuff out of the really congested sites. It seems to work quite well, but Susan and I laugh every time we attempt it!

I can't even begin to explain the tremendous role that Susan has played in this process. I am actually getting a little choked up right now writing this because she is just absolutely amazing. She has been there for me...really been there. She understands the frustration, the pain, the feelings of wanting to give up. She has been extremely supportive and a loyal and trust worthy friend. I admire her for many reasons. She is pro-active, considerate, intelligent...but I think the best part of all is that I know that she really really cares about me as an athlete AND as a person.

I actually met with Susan this morning and she let me know that she has been selected to join our team for Beijing. That is incredible news...I will need her there...if not to keep my injury under control then for her belief in me and her positive vibes!

I had this vision today, after she let me know about the news. I imagined that I was competing in the Olympic final and I did the best routine that I could have done. I imagined my tears of joy and then I looked over and she was there bawling her face off!

I am such a lucky athlete to have been able to connect and be truly inspired by someone on my support team. I feel priviledged to work with someone who is so bloody awesome!

I know that Susan reads this once in a while, so I would just like to say:

Susan, you are amazing! I would not be able to fight through this without your unwavering committment and belief in me. Your hard work and support are definitely appreciated. From the bottom of my heart, Thank you. I honestly don't know how I would have survived without you.

I hope that everyone reading this can relate to having someone in there life who they know makes them a better person. These people don't come around too often, but when they do you just know that they were meant to be there.

Kyle

ps- I have some SWEET video's that I will post in the next couple of days!

Toronto Star Article - Tuesday January 29, 2008

Check out the article below courtesy of Randy Starkman and the Toronto Star.

Here is a link to the original version with a photo as well: http://www.thestar.com/article/298272


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GYMNASTICS

TheStar.com Sports Long road to Beijing for Canada's Shewfelt

Long road to Beijing for Canada's Shewfelt

Shewfelt tries to keep his eye on the Olympics as he struggles to recover from two broken legs


Jan 29, 2008 04:30 AM Randy Starkman SPORTS REPORTER

It's not a blog as much as it is therapy for Kyle Shewfelt.


The Olympic champion gymnast is baring his soul on the Internet as few athletes have as he endures a physically and mentally grueling comeback from two broken legs to try get ready for the Beijing Games in August.

Here are a few excerpts from a particularly heartfelt entry earlier this month:


"On the inside I feel like I am clawing away and just trying to survive."

"I am caught in a vicious circle and I feel like I am spinning a little out of control. I don't know if (seven) months is enough."


"It freaks me out a little bit to think that at the end of all of this hard work, sacrifice and struggle that it might not work out the way that I and everyone else wants it to."

Shewfelt said he's not using his blog (kyleshewfelt.blogspot.com) to keep people informed.


"It's more for me actually," he said yesterday from Calgary. "It's my way of getting that stuff out. I'm going through a lot right now. It's an emotional and physical and mental battle that I'm fighting. I feel sometimes when I can write things down and get them in front of me, then I can read them and I can reflect and get a better perspective rather than just be constantly in the turmoil of it all."

These are tough days for Shewfelt, a constant and painful grind since that day last August when he landed stiff legged on a layout Arabian double front on floor exercise and heard a sickening crunch.


He was in Germany, training for the world championships a week before the event, he was in the best shape of his life and he tried to convince himself it was something he could walk off. He hobbled out of the gym on crutches, but told his teammates he'd be back.

He was true to his word, only he returned in a wheelchair to cheer them on as against all odds they qualified Canada in the men's event for Beijing with an 11th-place finish.


It turned out he'd fractured the top of the tibia in both legs. He has one screw in his right leg (that's the good one). He needed a plate and two screws in the left, as well as a repair job on a ligament that was damaged, and a bone that was detached from the side of knee. (Hence the crunching sound.)

The surgeon didn't give Shewfelt a timeline; he just told him to refrain from anything causing extreme pain.


The days are long and the progress is minuscule, especially for an athlete with one eye on the calendar as Beijing approaches quickly

"You just get exhausted, emotionally exhausted, physically exhausted, mentally exhausted," said the 25-year-old from Calgary. "I try to make them all good days, but it's impossible. Some days are just really, really crappy."


Shewfelt had wanted to be 100 per cent by the end of this month, but that turned out to be totally unrealistic. He can do some tumbling and dismounts from the high bar, but he can't run full speed on the floor or do any vaults. His goal now is to do that by the end of March.

While it's clear from his blog that he's felt desperate at times, he refuses to give up the dream.


"I've always been the type of person who wants to exceed my own limits," said Shewfelt, who won gold on the floor in 2004 in Athens. "I want to look back in July or August and know that I did everything, absolutely everything, that I could possibly do. ... I don't want to look back and have any regrets and say `Oh, I could have worked harder.'"


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I really like this article. Randy is an amazing writer and huge supporter of amateur sport in Canada. Thanks Randy!


If there are any new viewers to my blog, Welcome and Enjoy!

Kyle

I LOVE Thursdays!

Thursdays have consistently been my best day for the past few weeks.

(Here is that dismount I promised...filmed on Thursday)

Below are a couple more video's of me doing my Def on highbar (a release move which is a back flip off of the bar with a one and a half twist...and I am supposed to catch the bar at the end) on THURSDAY as well.

(Also, Please disregard my teammate Nathan's singing commentary...although it is pretty funny!).

The first vid was actually the first Def that I have done since my injury. It felt so weird! I was nervous and ended up about 10 feet from the bar! Safety first. I remembered how to do the skill immediately after this first one, but it takes some time to build up the trust in myself and my release time in order to come closer to the bar. I think release moves, particularly this skill, are a great way to measure progress in getting back into shape and into full-on gymnastics mode. Eventually I will be catching this skill more than I miss it, but for now I need to just be consistent and bring it in a little closer everyday. From past experience, it takes me a month or 2 to get it back so that it feels natural and I am not scared of smashing my teeth out on the bar! Honestly, I think of that sometimes. But when the big competitions come; I always trust that I will put the bar right into my hands.

Next time you see a gymnastics competition on TV, remember that every guy who does a release move on high bar started out doing it 10 feet away!

Hopefully this coming week includes 2 Thursdays!

Kyle

Do I Suffer From Body Bipolarism?

Awesome day on Thursday, craptastic day Friday.

I couldn't even do one back handspring.

Maybe I did too much the day before?

This puts me in an awkward position. Do I hold off a bit and have steady progress each day or do I take a huge gain one day and suffer the next?

I literally could not do anything today. I was one sore gymnast! It didn't feel like muscle pain though. I can work through that...in fact, I kind of like it when my muscles hurt because I know that I earned that pain! No, today was more like my body was telling me that maybe I am not quite ready to be doing dismounts and landing them on my feet!

Do they have a medication for this...I can just hear the ad:

"Do you suffer from joint, tendon and bone pain? Did you feel fantastic yesterday, but like crap today? When you walked down the stairs this morning did you feel like your body was going to explode? This up and down cycle of physical pain has now been diagnosed as body bipolarism. Lucky for you, the FDA has approved a new "supplement" called idontwanttofeellikeshitanymoreicillin that can help. Call 1-888-555-OUCH for your free trial sample today!"

Might be a hard sell, but I'm sure there would be a few takers...

On a more serious note, I can't explain the frustration. Stop. Go. Stop. Go. It's like that game, 'Red light, Green light', you play when you're a kid. Doesn't the universe know that I am not being greedy. I am just asking for a little momentum.

I think the worst part about having one great day and then one awful day is the guilt I feel. I should be able to do at least what I did the day before. Why didn't I push myself? Why did I succumb to the negativity? Could I have done something to make it less painful? Was I overreacting?




I am correcting this problem right now...

On Sunday I am going to reach the same heights that I achieved on Thursday and then I am going to surpass those on Monday.

I am going to smile and be positive.

Breathe in and out. Relax...and keep it simple stupid! (I should really be a Yogi or something!)

Kyle

Awesome Day!

Today Rocked! I was superman. I felt the best I have felt during this entire recovery process. I was willing to push myself further than I have in a long time. I felt like today was the day I have been waiting for.

On floor I did a backspring series. I started with 1, then I did 2 and then I got the guts up to push for 4 (as shown in the vid below). I have been doing backspring series since I was 7. I have always done tons of them and they have always been the one thing that gets me into great tumbling shape. Sometimes I do 10 series, all ending with a different big skill at the end (full-in, double double, double layout...not quite there yet tough). I believe backspring series are essential to becoming a good tumbler. They help you get a feeling for your body and for varying your speed. In gymnastics, you have to know how to speed up and slow down, you have to know how to make skills longer or shorter and you have to know how to deal with all of those little black dots that appear when you go too fast! (I definitely had those!)



After my super progress on floor, I went to highbar. I swung around and kind of felt like I knew what was going on. I guess a little bit each day really does lead to something...crazy how that works! After swinging for a while, I got really bored of plain swing half turns and such (or I got really gutsy...) and I decided that I was going to do a dismount. That's right, A DISMOUNT! My heart was pumping, my palms were sweaty, I needed Tony to stand in with a mat, but I got up on the bar, swung a couple of fast giants and busted out a double layout with a full twist (should have gotten that one on video..next time). I had a big mat in on top of the resi-pit, but I landed it. My skinny little legs were able to absorb a landing! Hell yeah! I was so friggin' pumped that I couldn't stop smiling. Not only had I pushed myself way further than I had intended to on the day, but I had actually done something that was pretty close to high level gymnastics.

Who's on the comeback trail?

That would be me.

Today was one of those days when I felt like it was all going to work out. I could picture myself getting all of my skills and routines back in no time. I was basically pain free (except of course for that damn burning in the back of my left hamstring, but I am coming to terms with the fact that that might be there forever!). I can't even begin to explain how awesome it felt to be able to actually do some of the things that I would normally be able to do, before the accident. It felt like a huge victory, a giant leap forward and an instant flood of confidence.

I want to continue to have days like this.

Kyle

Roundoff Backspring!

Last week I made some progress. Here is a video of me in the gym doing a round off back handspring on the floor, with a couple of soft mats for extra protection. Better safe than sorry.

This gave me a huge boost in confidence. It felt so great to be able to turn my body around and feel somewhat like a gymnast again. There was a bit of pain, but it wasn't excrutiating. Progress is progress. I LOVE progress!

Check out the double front pike with a 1/2 out below!

Kyle

Feeling Better

I have received a lot of concerned emails from family and friends since my last post. Messages of encouragement and support overflowed. All I can say is thank you. Thank you for caring. Thank you for believing in me. Thank you for trying to understand.

I guess what it all boils down to is that I had a really bad week last week. This is a very daunting task and as time goes by I feel more and more pressure to get healed fast and to get back into top form.


I have worked some things out this past week though. I have made some progress and I am starting to feel better, not amazing, but better. I have been trying to be positive and believe that great things will indeed happen.

I decided that I am not going to do myself any justice by being down. I want to be the best version of myself.

All I can do is to do everything that I can. I am doing that and I am trusting that it will be enough.

And you know what? At the end of it all, if it doesn't work out the way I want it to then I can look back and have absolutely no regrets. Although it would be incredible to stand on top of that podium again (and I think about that possibility often), I will forever be an Olympic Champion and I am defining myself more as a person now by my actions than I am defining myself as an athlete. I want to enjoy this next 7 months. I think I have a much better chance of being successful if I am content and enjoying the process!

Kyle

Stuck in the Middle

This morning at weights I had an "Ah hah" moment. I realized that I have felt so defeated lately because I have been stuck in the middle of 'really bad' and 'kinda good' for way too long.

When I first started making progress; every step was motivating. The progress was small, but compared to being at home in a wheel chair, it was phenomenal. As each day passed I could walk better and I started to feel more and more like my old self again.

Now, I have been stuck in a rut for more than a month where it feels like no matter how hard I work and how diligent I am (believe me, I have been busting my butt), the progress is not coming. I want to find that one exercise or one thought that will propel me to the next level of rehab. I am sick of not being able to squat all the way down because I know that I need to have a full range of motion in order to gain back my maximum strength. I am tired of not being able to lay on my stomach and lift my heel to my butt. I am frustrated with being frustrated!

When I walk down the hall you would have never known that I injured myself. I have no limp and my scars are slowly fading. On the outside everything looks pretty normal, almost like I have regained my form entirely. In fact, I have had many people ask me if I am back training and getting ready for Beijing. I wish. On the inside I feel like I am clawing away and just trying to survive. I am spending endless hours in the gym, the weight room and in the physio clinic, but the progress is so slow. I have always been the type of person who gets fed up and finds a way to make it work, but in this situation I can't take that approach. I have to listen to my body. It is telling me important things. Obviously I would be doing everything I want to if I could. I guess I sometimes feel like I am giving up because I am not making progress and therefore I am not pushing myself hard enough.

I am caught in a vicious circle and I feel like I am spinning a little out of control. I don't know if 7 months is enough. First, I need to regain my mobility and strength. Then I need to regain my gymnastic shape and then I have to regain all of my skills and get into routine shape. On top of it all I need to add difficulty in order to challenge for the Olympic title. That's a lot to accomplish in a little amount of time. It freaks me out a little bit to think that at the end of all of this hard work, sacrifice and struggle that it might not work out the way that I and everyone else wants it to. That's a really scary thought, and I don't want to think it, but I have to be realistic.

I have been experiencing a lot of self doubt and a huge lack of self confidence lately. I am usually pretty sure of myself and my actions, but lately that hasn't been the case. I think that this has a lot to do with the fact that I haven't been able to train hard or compete...hell, I wouldn't even consider myself an Elite gymnast right now.

I have been doing gymnastics for 20 years of my life. 20 years is a long time. I have defined myself a lot based on how I do in gymnastics. When I apply myself to training I see the progress and the benefit. I love the feeling of getting into shape and knowing that something is a thousand times easier than it was before because of the hard work that I put in. It's like the beautiful life quote says, " There aren't any shortcuts to tomorrow. You have to make your own way." I have been feeling like a lot less of a person lately because I no longer feel like myself.

When one thing in your life begins to feel a little helpless it starts to affect other areas of your life, especially if it's something as important to a person as gymnastics is to me. I have noticed that the various relationships in my life have started to take a turn in a direction that is just not acceptable. I have been a little too quick to snap at those I love. I have been a little unappreciative to those who are trying to help me. I have shut down when it comes to talking about how I am feeling.

I am starting to feel a little desperate. As each day passes that doesn't have noticeable progress; I feel like I have lost an important opportunity to advance and therefore I failed. Right now, I need to see improvements each and every day to keep me feeling like I am gaining momentum in overcoming this obstacle.

This obstacle is definitely turning out to be the most intense and trying one in my life thus far.


Kyle

Was this a sign of things to come? I'm pretty sure it was

Over the Christmas break, I went swimming. I had a crazy experience with jumping into the pool.

I stood on the deck and was just about ready to plunge in when a voice in the back of my head suddenly told me to freeze. I wouldn't jump in feet first.

My heart started to pound and I became really anxious and frustrated. It was almost an instant negative reaction and it made me really upset. I wondered if this was a sign of things to come.

If I am not able to jump into a pool of water feet first then how in the world am I going to be able to do a double twisting double layout off of the highbar and absorb the landing? How am I going to be able to do a whip back, punch into a 2 and a half twist and then punch again into another bounding element? How am I going to run down the vault runway at full speed and slam into the beat board and flip over the table?

I started to have nightmares. I dreamt about doing a dismount off of rings and then thinking of the landing and bailing out halfway through and landing on my head.

Apparently I have some issues that I need to deal with. I know that the only way that I can overcome these negative thoughts is to start landing again, but I am unfortunately not there yet.

Yesterday in the gym I did small jumps off of a box and landed on the floor. My right knee and leg are feeling pretty strong, but my left side is still weak and I don't trust it. I hate having these feelings at a time like this because I can't just go into the gym and prove to myself that it's all in my head. Because it's not. It's more than just a mental block...it's physical too and it is still going to take time and much work to overcome. Who would have thought that 8 months before the Olympic Games I would be having a hard time doing things you learn in kindergym?

I guess what I have to do is just continue to strengthen and to keep on jumping from small heights. The confidence will come, I know it will, but how fast is the question. I hope faster than I feel it will because I would really like to see a breakthrough soon.

Kyle

ps- On the bright side, after having an internal argument with myself that I am sure was most embarrassing from the outside, I jumped into that water. I did overcome my fear, but man, did it ever take some convincing.