Many Updates

Hey all,

So, I have been a bad little blogger. Updates have been very hard for me to muster lately. Life has been wonderfully hectic.

Taking the easy way out isn't my forte, but I'm afraid it has to happen in order for me to bring everyone up to date.

This is horrible, but I'm gonna do it anyway.

So, without further ado, Here's what's been going on:

I have been traveling alot lately.

I went snowboarding for the first time ever. It was a great weekend with tons of debauchery and hilarity. I fell so many times that I lost count and I loved every minute of it! My poor tail bone was a little bruised by the end of the adventure. At one point, I thought that I had my skills down so I decided to try a Blue run...not a good idea! I caught the lip of my board and ended up sliding backwards on my back half way down the mountain with snow flying in my face the entire time. 'Slopes and Hoes' was the theme of the weekend. If you haven't seen the movie 'Step Brothers' then you have no clue what I'm talking about. Trust me, it was priceless!

Then I went to Idaho for the Great West Gym Fest and handed out awards and such. It was a great time! (Amazing competition...very inspiring group of visionaries who put it all together).

Then I was in Ottawa for the Canadian Sport Awards where I won the "Spirit of Sport Story of the Year Award". This was a huge honour for me! The award was created to recognize an inspirational sport story that touched the hearts of Canadians and demonstrated the true spirit of sport; not necessarily winning medals, but demonstrating leadership and sport values. It was so awesome to be recognized :)

After Ottawa, I was in Toronto. It was great to spend some very quality time with my former coach and best friend, Kelly, and his beautiful family. I loved reconnecting and being able to have some really special bonding time with my little nephews, Barrett and Anderson. I also had a wonderful and very productive meeting about a new tv show that I have in the works. More on that later...

After Toronto I was in Calgary for a week and then I was off to Florida. I was there taking a course called Co-Active coaching. It's a "life coaching" course, but I am not super fond of that title. I like to call it "personal wellness consulting". It is through the Coaches Training Institute (www.thecoaches.com) and it was a really challenging and eye opening experience. It gave me some neat ideas and left me wanting more.

After Florida, I came home and had an inkling to start pushing myself a little more in the direction of my future...so, completely out of my ordinary, I booked a trip to Thailand! Holy crap!

I am off this morning for an entire month. I am super excited...and a little scared too! But that's the whole point. I am packing a back pack and I have no idea where I'll end up. This is SO not typical "Kyle" style, but I know that it will be good for me:) It's exactly what I need right now to propel myself forward.

So, you're probably wondering where training fits into all of this traveling. Well, in all honesty, I have been making some other things a priority right now. I am keeping very fit (I have been doing tons of yoga and working out) and I feel really healthy and strong.

I feel like this trip to Thailand is going to be a great opportunity for me to clear my head, have some adventure and get a plan together for what direction I am going to be heading in. I don't know exactly where my heart is leaning. I feel like I am finally starting to come down and gain some perspective after a very tiring, exciting and trying year. I think a lot of athletes who competed in Beijing are feeling this way. It's tough coming home and having to restart your life. It's tough to see the big picture because you are continually living in the past and replaying your Olympic experience, and everything that led up to it, over and over again in your head.

I don't know what will transpire while I'm away. I have a couple of plans. The first being 'have no plan'! Second, I want to have tons of fun, like, 'laugh till your belly hurts' kind of fun. Third, I want to meet as many people as possible and just be Kyle, not Olympic gymnast Kyle. Fourth, I want to push myself far beyond my comfort zone - will I bungee jump??? And lastly, I want to write a lot, reflect and listen to my heart and not my head.

I also have a little update about a new development in my life. I have been seeing someone new for a little while now. Her name is Kristin. I met her at yoga and she made sure to point out that I am really bendy, but I am a yoga cheater! haha. I liked that. She has been really growing on me. We are actually going to be traveling to Thailand together. She is exactly what I need in my life right now. She pushes me, she is incredibly hilarious and she instills a huge amount of confidence in me. I am trying not to delve too deep into where this relationship is heading. I just want to enjoy it for every ounce of greatness that is it right now. Nothing more, nothing less.

Well, I should wrap this up. It's 1am and I have some packing to do!

Stay tuned for a Thailand update...if not in April, then in May when I get back!

Keep smiling and enjoy the blossoming of Spring ;)

Kyle

Bungee!

I recently watched a video that stirred up a lot of emotion inside of me.

It was a video of a close friend who is on the adventure of a lifetime.

She was strapped in by her ankles and standing on top of a bridge. You could tell that she was facing fear head on and you knew, you just knew, that she was determined to conquer it. The way she stepped towards the edge was something that I have never seen in her before. She had courage and excitement. They counted down: 5...4...3...2...1...and she leapt off the bridge and took the plunge (or bunge!). Bungee jumping in New Zealand. OMFG!

While I watched I was proud, scared and I found myself feeling a little bit envious. She is pushing her boundaries and I can honestly say that I would have never imagined it to be possible...until I saw it with my own 2 eyes.

I think that that moment is very symbolic and it will be a transcendent one in her life. It's like she told the world, "Screw you! I am brave. I am sick of always making the "right" decisions. I am sick of standing on the edge of this bridge, contemplating what comes next. I am ready to start living"!!! And with that strength behind her decision, she dove into a new realm of herself; full of confidence, awareness and ready to stop settling with just standing on the edge.

It got me to thinking; my life is seriously lacking adventure. My life is wonderful, but I am still sitting perched in the middle of comfort. I am not pushing myself as far as I should be.

This quote comes to mind:

"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away" - Anonymous

I have had quite a few moments in my life that have been beyond the point of thrilling, adrenaline pumping and dream like. My breath has been taken away on numerous occasions. But at the moment, I feel a little trapped in comfort.

Removing ourselves from our comfort zones is the only way that we can learn, grow and evolve. I continually encourage others to push themselves, disregard judgment and to start living the life that they want. But am I preaching something that I am actually internally afraid of committing to myself?

I tried to make a list of everything that I want to experience in my lifetime...I was sadly disappointed. There was nothing that I felt like I needed or wanted to do. Of course I have goals and dreams, but there was nothing that I could write down with full confidence that got me excited about adventure. It was an epiphany moment for me actually...how can someone have nothing on their bucket list?

This needs to change.

Another friend and I were out for a coffee the other day and he mentioned that he wants to live experiences and not read about them. I thought that was pretty profound and poetic. Reading and dreaming about something is always a great way to get ideas, but you can never be changed by an experience until you have lived it.

I almost feel as if I need to take a giant risk of some sort. I don't know what that risk needs to be though. Should I go on a trip, all on my lonesome? Should I move to somewhere entirely new? Should I go bungee jumping??!

The good thing is that I have a plan for my future. But it is a safe plan. It is a plan that I know will bring me lots of joy and excitement, but it is a plan that just might have me feeling like I am wrapped in comfort. My plan revolves a lot around what I know. And this is scaring me a bit. I don't want to look back on my life and wish that I had 'lived' and 'learned' more.

What is on your adventurous 'things to do' list?

For the time being, while I contemplate mine, I guess I will just tie up my feet with a bungee cord and pretend that I am diving into a new realm of myself...

Kyle

Let Your Life Shine

Let Your Life Shine


"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us.
We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God.
Your playing small doesn't serve the world.
There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine, as children do.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

- Nelson Mandela


Although I am not a believer in God, I really like this quote. I just skim past the "God" parts...it still works.

I believe that we all have the potential to do amazing things for this world.

Don't be afraid! Live with all the passion and greatness that is inside of you. Let it radiate. Be the absolute best version of yourself. Don't let judgment, fear or insecurity control the amount of awesomeness that you will show the world. Be all that you are and be damn proud of it. Our world is pretty beautiful, but imagine how much it would glow if everyone lived and embraced their gifts. If this was to be reality, I can picture happy faces popping up everywhere. How cool would that be? (And no, I've never done and will never do LSD so I can actually see this! haha.)

Today, try to outwardly project the light that you have within. Smile, laugh...don't be so serious. Dance in your car if you feel like it. In all reality, nobody cares. In fact, you acting goofy might silently give permission to the person next to you to do the same.

I hope that your day today is groovy, goofy and very satisfying. Be that amazing version of yourself that you know is within.

Kyle

Happiness Now

"Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony."

- Mahatma Gandhi

This quote stood out to me. I believe it is very true.

We spend so much of our lives thinking about what we "should" be doing. We spend countless hours focusing on everything that we would like to be. Often, we wish we were somewhere else and doing something else.

I challenge you to to think, speak and act in a way that are all supportive of each other.

As the New Year quickly progresses, try to take a moment to reflect on the past 17 days and ask yourself this question: "Have I been living each day experiencing and projecting happiness"?

Many believe that happiness is something that you can 'achieve'. A common thought is: "If I can just get ________, then I will be happy".

I beg to differ. Happiness is a choice. It's a state of mind. It's acceptance of yourself, your thoughts and your actions.

In this New Year, I have been making a conscious effort to look around and observe my surroundings. Fact is, I have seen a lot of unhappiness.

One example: I was driving the other day and I saw a man in his BMW going mach 10 and risking his life (and the lives of others!) just to get past a slower truck. He was in the merging lane, sped past 3 cars and narrowly slipped into traffic with only meters to spare before he would have slammed into a median.

My question is, "Was it worth it"?

Later, that same BM dub was one car in front of me at the next set of lights. I admit, I chuckled. Sucka! But I also felt sorry for the poor dude. Risk vs Reward. I don't think the risk paid off.

This got me thinking...this gentleman either had an endowment issue (teenie weenie) or he was chasing happiness in the same way that he was chasing a position in the line of traffic.

When one is happy, they can let the little things brush past them. Arriving at your destination 2 minutes later because you are behind a slow moving truck, in the grand scheme of things, is not worth risking a potential car accident.

Many in this life are always trying to get ahead. The desperation and insecurity in their being is so evident by their actions.

Another example: I was speaking with a close family member whom I adore. They are struggling slightly to find a balance. They are overwhelmed and feel sometimes as if they are spinning out of control. In fact, they are letting themselves believe that they are losing control of their actions.

In reality, unless experiencing chemical issues in the brain, we are always always always in control of our actions. Actions are choices.

We can always have an excuse. Being too tired, having too much to do, not feeling "up to it"...these are common excuses that we give ourselves as to why we are not in a place in our life where we are truly happy. But the thing is, we usually know within ourselves what we need to do in order to feel happy. Why do we avoid these things? I do it. You probably do it. We all do it! But seriously, it sounds so simple...stop thinking about doing it and just friggin do it! Geez.

We tend to let ourselves reach a breaking point. We get fed up with our actions and we start taking action. One of my goals for 2009 is to not let myself get to the point of guilt and stress based on all of the things that I think I should be doing. I want to continually be taking action and also accept that sometimes not everything works out...ultimately, my happiness is up to me.

We can not rely on others to make us happy. Yes, people can contribute to us having a good time, smiling and laughing, but that is just happiness on the surface. Inner happiness, that calm, peaceful and accepting happiness is a state of mind that can only be found within.

We can not control anything in this world besides our own thoughts, our own words and our own actions.

Have you ever met someone who just beamed an incredibly beautiful light? I think we have all encountered someone of this nature. Why don't all of us project this energy?

I believe it's because everyone feels like they are not good enough. They are judging themselves and they are judging everyone around them. I am trying very hard not to judge. I am making an effort to be more accepting. I am genuinely trying to show love and interest to everyone I meet. I have seen the direct effects of this action. I feel a deeper connection with the world, a stronger connection with myself and a new, very refreshing view on life.

Maybe it's been all the yoga I've been practicing that is helping me on this journey of acceptance. It does have a profound effect on the way you see the universe. Looking through your own eyes at the world and at yourself, without judgement, makes you feel so at ease. It's almost as if you want to let that poor jerk cut in front of you in traffic. Please. Go Ahead. It's all good. Whoops, almost hit me there. But that's OK because I think life is grand! Euphoria is so fun.



Happiness is within. Happiness radiates. I encourage you to start thinking, speaking and living like you're immersed in your ultimate life of happiness!

KS

2009 is all about Attitude

"The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life.

Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill. It will make or break a company...a church...a home.

The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past. We cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable.

The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude ... I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me, and 90% how I react to it. And so it is with you ... we are in charge of our Attitudes."

- Charles Swindoll


I'm choosing to enter this new year with an optimistic, energetic and open minded attitude.

What attitude will you choose?

Happy New Year! I wonder what crazy things 2009 has in store??

Kyle

International Gymnast Magazine Interview

Interview: Kyle Shewfelt (CAN)

Tuesday, December 23, 2008 By John Crumlish

Despite missing out on the floor exercise final at the Olympics in August, 2004 Olympic floor champion Kyle Shewfelt of Canada said 2008 marked the "pinnacle of success" after his recovery from serious leg injuries.

Shewfelt's very participation in Beijing was an accomplishment. He injured both legs during an Aug. 27, 2007, training session at the World Championships in Stuttgart, Germany. After landing stiff-legged on a tumbling element, he suffered displaced fractures on both legs, as well as a chipped bone on his left knee and a stretched ligament. Shewfelt, Canada's first Olympic gold medalist in artistic gymnastics, underwent surgery two weeks later.

Following an intense period of rehabilitation, Shewfelt was named to the Canadian team that competed in Beijing. He scored 15.525 on floor exercise in qualifications, missing the cut-off for the event final by .075.

The 26-year-old Shewfelt took Beijing in philosophical stride, however, as a success in its own right. In this IG Online interview, Shewfelt reflects on 2008 and projects towards the new year.

IG: Coming so close to the floor and team finals in Beijing, and based on your injury, would you consider your performances in Beijing more an achievement than a disappointment, or some combination of the two?

KS: My Beijing experience was an absolute achievement. I didn't win another Olympic medal, but I overcame the biggest obstacle of my career to be at the Games. I appreciated the opportunity to represent my country at my third Olympic Games and I was honored to be a part of such an incredible team. Throughout the process of coming back there were times when it felt like I wouldn't be ready in time. I told Edouard [Iarov], our national coach, that I didn't want to just be placed on the team because of what I have done in the past. I wanted to earn my spot. I believe that I pushed myself to my limit. It was a phenomenal feeling to compete, knowing that the process of getting there helped me grow as an athlete and person.

It was a little disappointing to come so close to finals, both team and event, but I am firm believer that you have to base your happiness on your performances and not on the outcomes. Everything happens for a reason. We all performed brilliantly. We can always look back and say what if. What if Brandon [O'Neill] hadn't been injured? What if we would have brought in our alternate? What if a couple landings were cleaner? But, you know what? You can't go back and change the past. There is absolutely no point in looking back and wishing "What if?" "What is" is reality, and I choose to see the positives and successes rather than the negatives and disappointments.

The routine that I performed on floor was the most difficult routine that I have ever done. It was an eye-opening experience for me to realize that I could actually be better than I was before, even after going through such a traumatic injury. It just goes to show you how powerful the human spirit is.

IG: You seemed very positive after the competition in Beijing. How have you been able to reconcile your Olympic experience in the months since the Games?

KS: I was super-positive after the competition in Beijing because I realized very quickly that I had done my best. It's a pretty satisfying feeling to look back and have no regrets.

It was funny in the morning after our competition. I was walking around the Olympic Village and it felt like I was attending my own funeral. Everyone on the Canadian Olympic team was giving me sympathetic looks and the "I'm so sorry" eyes. I didn't feel bad, though. I was happy. I owed it to myself to smile. I didn't bust my butt every minute for the past 11 months to be there and mope around because I didn't make finals. I was choosing to be happy. But, after experiencing everyone's reactions, I felt like maybe I did do something wrong - like I did let my country down. So, in all honesty, I did have a few hours where I felt like a loser and like I failed. But then I started really thinking about it and decided that this was not a failure. This was the pinnacle of success. Medals do not define success. Personal achievement does.

It was a little bit difficult coming home and not having a medal because the craziness was not anywhere near the same level as it was in 2004. But I was OK with it. I needed some time to reconnect with my family and friends and to get perspective on the whole experience. We live in a very superficial world, and in the months following an Olympic Games, a lot of the attention is given to the athletes with the hardware. I realize that. I benefited from it in 2004. But I believe I am wiser now, and after returning home from Beijing without a medal, but with a tremendous personal victory, I am seeing that the latter holds more value.

I think it takes time to come to terms with an Olympic experience, whether good or bad, because you turn off your life for the goal and then you have a lot of rebuilding to do when you get home. It's super emotional and sometimes you just need to remove yourself from everything "Olympic" for awhile because it's all you have thought of and known for a year leading up. I feel that now, four months after Beijing, I am almost able to look back on the experience and see it for what it was. I feel far enough removed that I have a greater perspective.

IG: How close to 100 percent "repaired" are you?

KS: I actually had surgery on Nov. 6 to remove the plate and four screws from my left leg. It was really starting to bother me, and I just didn't want to have metal in my legs if I didn't have to. I was taking a nice dose of anti-inflammatory during the Olympics, but I stopped taking it after the Games and noticed that my leg hurt a lot more. I always had a burning sensation in my leg because the plate was right on the attachment of the hamstring, but I knew that I would have to suck it up before the Games because recovering from another surgery wasn't an option.

I met with my surgeon shortly after coming home from Beijing, and he said that it would be safe to take out the hardware because the bone was totally healed. So I opted to do the surgery, and the result has been awesome. I don't have the burning sensation anymore and I am a lot more comfortable, especially when it's cold out! I still have the screw in my right knee, but it doesn't bother me, so I will keep it in there. Post-surgery is not a fun experience and I will avoid it if I can!

I don't think my legs will ever be quite the same as they were before the accident. It's a lot harder to put on muscle mass, and my knees are pretty sensitive to touch. I like having the scars, though, because they constantly remind me to never take anything for granted.

IG: What are some of the targets you have set for yourself, in and out of the gym, for 2009?

KS: I want 2009 to be a year filled with love, success, fun, interaction, gratitude, growth, failure, new experiences and genuine happiness. Failure probably doesn't seem like it fits in there, but I believe that failure is the best way to learn. I want to embrace every possibility that 2009 presents. I have a feeling it's going to be an incredible year!

IG: As 2008 comes to a close, how much longer do you see yourself doing gymnastics?

KS: That's a hard question for me to answer. I see myself being involved in gymnastics forever, but I am taking it day by day when it comes to the actual "doing gymnastics" part. Right now, I am trying to be diligent in my recovery from surgery and take my time setting new gymnastic goals. I want them to be heartfelt, or they aren't worth pursuing.

IG: Outside of training, what are some of the promotional and professional activities you've done since Beijing?

KS: I have done a bunch of appearances and talks around the country promoting sport and the Olympics. I am really trying to get the point across that outcomes do not define us — it's our journeys that do. The lessons we learn, the people we meet, the obstacles we overcome and the experiences we have leading up to a moment are what make us who we are. We don't instantly become a good person because we win an Olympic gold medal. Some of the best and most inspiring athletes I have ever met will never win Olympic gold, but they are incredible examples and leaders to emulate.

IG: How and where do you plan to spend the Christmas and New Year holidays?

KS: I plan on spending the holidays in Calgary with my family and friends. I don't have any crazy plans — just enjoying the wonderful company and living in the moment. 'Tis the season to be jolly, and I have already been party-hopping like a mad man. I love the spirit of Christmas. It's a very special time of year and I have always been very fortunate to get to spend it with the people I love.

IG Online Related Features
Canada Announces Men's Olympic Team; Shewfelt Back for Beijing (July 8, 1008)
Shewfelt Skips Canadian Championships, Looks to Beijing (June 2, 2008)
Interview: Kyle Shewfelt (October 9, 2007)
Shewfelt Out of Worlds (August 28, 2007)

Kyle Shewfelt is featured in the following issues of International Gymnast magazine
"Production Values," "Shewfelt's Role Both Familiar and Foreign" - features on Shewfelt's co-starring role in the film "White Palms" (November 2006)
"My Year After Athens" - Shewfelt memoirs (August/September 2005)
2004 Olympic Games Special Issue - includes Shewfelt (October 2004)
"The Style of Kyle" - profile (November 2003)
Quick Chat: Kyle Shewfelt - interview (November 2002)
"IG Profile: Kyle Shewfelt" (January 2001)

To subscribe to IG magazine or order back issues, click here.

External Link: KyleShewfelt.com

Happy Holidays

Just a quick note to wish everyone a holiday that is overflowing with laughter, hugs, joy, smiles, happiness and love...oh, and wine too!


I am in such a grand place right now. I don't think I have ever felt such a sense of contentment, balance and positive perspective. Hawaii was brilliant (I think that's my new favourite word)! I just might need to retire there...am I too young to become a snow bird?

While I was away, I did a lot of reflecting and I just feel a real sense of ease at the moment. Everything is exactly as it should be. I have a lot to be thankful for. I need to inject each day with some fun! Living in the moment is so essential. Making a difference in the lives of others gives us the greatest sense of meaning in our own individual lives. Giving yourself a gift everyday is important as well, whether it be a workout, a massage, a meaningful conversation or some time to just breathe and slow it all down. It's so easy to get caught up in the blender of the world, spin out of control and forget what's important.

I have been trying to do some serious soul searching and get a grasp on my vision for the future. We sometimes think we know what we really want, but it turns out to be what we think we 'should' want. I don't want to fall victim to that. I don't want to feel obligated to go in a certain direction because it makes sense. I want to make sure that I live my life with intention, purpose, passion and authenticity.

I want to continually grow, evolve, learn and question.

I believe that 2009 is going to be a BRILLIANT year!

Stay tuned for some mind boggling posts. I'm on a rampage to make a difference in the world!

K.

Surgical Dressings...and some reflection

I am going in today to get the surgical dressings removed. My leg has been screaming for them to be gone! They are slowly melting away and I am excited to see the new scar that will be present underneath. Call me a masochist if you would like, but there is something exciting about seeing the carnage that exists underneath the bandage.

My leg is feeling pretty good. I have been trying to take it easy and not do too much activity that will aggravate it, but I have also been craving exercise and movement. Last night I did an amazing hot yoga class and although I could feel the dressing peeling away with each bead of sweat that permeated it, it felt incredible to stretch. I came home after the class and felt so invigorated and alive! In fact, I am going to another class tonight because I felt very connected to the world. I had a smile from ear to ear when I got home and, to me, that is pretty darn special.

I have been struggling lately with finding a balance. Some days I feel like I have it all figured out, but then other days I hear the grumble in my head and it starts to drive me a bit nuts. Our thoughts are very powerful. They say that our thoughts cause our actions, our actions lead to our experiences and our experiences become our lives. I want to live a positive, beautiful and remarkable life. I want to be confident, secure and know that I am making a difference. I always strive to be the type of person who radiates positive vibes. I want to be the smile and the embrace that makes everyone around them feel like the world and life in general is brilliant. I feel like, in a way, I have started to let the negative self talk take me away from being this person. I guess we all go through phases of doubt and uncertainty, but I am convinced that loving life and embracing the unknown without preconceived judgment will lead to ultimate happiness.

I am heading to Hawaii on Sunday for 2 weeks of rest and reflection. I need some solitude to start shaping some ideas. I feel like life can get so busy and we can become distracted by all of the "I should Be's". I booked this trip a little while back knowing that I would be feeling this way at this point in the year, especially post surgery and 3 months post Beijing. I have always had a keen understanding of myself and my needs. My ability to trust my gut has led me in a direction that I am very content with. But I have been thinking too much lately about what I should be doing and not about what I want to be doing. This needs to stop. I need to take some time to listen. The only place in the world that I have ever felt epiphanies and utter ease of mind has been in Hawaii. There; life slows down, the mind slows down and directions become more clear.

And I will leave it with that.

Enjoy your day and make sure to breathe, slow down, reflect and appreciate the beauty in your life.

Kyle

Hardware

Ta Da!

Here is the picture I have been promising.

On the left, you see the plate and the 4 screws. On the right, I put my house key beside the metal just so you can have a basis for comparison. Now you'll think of the size of my plate every time you lock your door!

I am back at my place now. I came home last night and it felt great to sleep in my own bed. I feel 50 times better today than I did on Friday. Hallelujah!! It's crazy how much of a difference a couple of days can make.

I had my first shower yesterday afternoon and there was a constant stream of blood running down my leg. It was a little nasty, but it was all of the dried blood getting washed away. I can't tell you how awesome it felt to get clean...being in hospitals makes me feel like I have disease running through my hair.

The great news is that if I continue to heal at this rate, I should be good to go and ready to get movin' in a week or so.

I went to a friends last night to watch Iron Man (It was ok, but didn't live up to the hype IMO) and I brought the hardware in to show it off. It was only in my car for 20 minutes max and when I pulled it out of the jar it was freezing cold. Brrrr. It's all coming together...now I know why my leg ached on those cold winter days last year! No doubt I was experiencing pain, that metal was as cold as ice.



Kyle

Ouch

I am sitting here at my parents place, in my old room - the one I lived in for 4 months during my initial recovery. The memories are flooding back. The sound of the crutches sticking to the hardwood floors, creating a clunking beat that is oh so familiar. The pillow on the chair in the kitchen to prop my leg up. The bags of ice. The bloody gauze (really bloody this time around). The containers of meds. The smell of toast with margarine....

I honestly thought that this surgery was going to be a breeze. Maybe it will be in a couple of days, but today it is more intense than I initially thought it would be. I am in a lot of pain. My leg is swollen and tight. My toes are stained yellow from the surgery. My leg is a little prickly from the hair that is trying to grow back after the stink cream burned it off.

I guess deep down I thought that I would get the plate out and everything would instantly be better, but that is not the case. This is going to be a battle and I don't think I adequately prepared myself to be tough. I woke up this morning and wanted to bend my leg so bad, but couldn't because I could feel the skin was taught and my knee was aching. It's almost as if my leg got slammed with a hammer and the aftermath is a bleeding, swollen and throbbing mess.

I'm going to take it easy for the next couple of days. A little R and R never hurts. I have a lot of movie watching to do! If you have any recommendations then please let me know. I am planning on checking out 'Iron Man' tomorrow night. I'm excited because I heard it's a gooder.

There's something else I wanted to mention. I had another flood of memories come rushing back to me yesterday at the hospital. I actually got a little emotional. I could feel the lump in my throat and my eyes welled up. Pain of another sort sank into my heart. When I was signing in at the admissions desk I had to answer all of the standard questions. Age, height, address, etc. Well, the last time I was at the hospital I had a different address. I was almost starting to forget that chapter in my life. But having to face this head on made me realize that so much has changed since last year at this time and it caught me off guard. Even though my mom was there as my trusted assistant (Love you mom!), I couldn't help but feel a little alone. Support of family and friends is so important and special, but it's just not the same as having someone that is 'your world' there to hold your hand. The lady asked me if a certain someone was still my emergency contact. Gulp. No, she isn't. But then I thought to myself that if I really needed her to be, she would be there in an instant. I know that for sure.

Life is ever changing, ever evolving and constantly moving forward. Once in a while though, you experience a moment when you look back and really miss what was.

K.

ps- I got my plate and the 4 screws that were in my leg (I thought I only had 2!). I'll take a photo and post it when I have my camera handy. It's really cool to think that they were in me less than 24 hours ago.

Plate Removal

Tomorrow is the BIG day! I am getting the plate removed from my left leg. I can't wait!

I am going to keep the screw in my right knee because I don't even notice it's there, but my left leg has been flaring up like a grass fire since the games. It has been causing me lots of discomfort and annoyance since Beijing. It's probably because I am not taking any anti-inflammatory meds and I haven't been as strictly focused on a gymnastic goal. Before Beijing, pain was not an option. Competing at the Olympics was all that mattered. I knew that I was going to experience discomfort and I just accepted it because I had to. Now, I have a little more freedom and time and I want that sucker out! I want to be able to lift my heel to my arse without feeling an extreme burning sensation across the front of my leg. I want to be able to do a hardcore workout and not have my leg swell up to twice it's size around the plate area.

My bones are completely healed so there should be no complications with the surgery and recovery. In fact, and I found this out in March when I was really struggling with the burning when I ran, I could have had the plate removed before the games. I chose not to because I couldn't afford any time away from the gym for recovery. Now though, I can take my time and rehab myself back to full strength with no imminent deadlines looming. I have actually set some recovery goals to help with my motivation. I want my legs to be stronger than they were before the accident. I want to have quads that are rock solid and defined. To be honest, I never achieved that in my initial recovery. My left leg is still much skinnier than the right, it's still slightly atrophied and all I can blame is the plate inhibiting my potential to put on muscle mass. I just couldn't push myself to that point of "burning muscle growth" because I had another kind of burn. It was nervy, excruciating and limiting.

So tomorrow is the day. I am excited, but quite nervous too. Surgery is a big deal. I am hopeful that I don't feel like dying again! My mom and dad are going to be my trusted assistants...Love them to death. I have to be put under and then the actual procedure itself takes less than an hour. Tonight I have to prep my leg, remove all the hair with a stinky depilatory cream and then not eat from midnight until the time of my surgery. I'm sure I won't sleep well as the memories of my last experience under the knife will most likely rush into mind and soul. It's hard to believe that this injury is finally coming full circle.

I also asked Dr.Mohtadi if I can keep the plate. Hopefully he remembers! I will post a pic of it if I do get my hands on it. I am trying to think of a good preservation idea. I might get a small shadow box to put the plate in and put it up in my office. I guess I could also put it in a zip lock baggy and keep it in my glove box! Whatever I choose to do, I think it's important to have constant reminders of our strength, courage and determination surrounding us. It's our journeys, our fight and the obstacles that we have overcome in the past that make us who we are today.

Kyle

Mountain Peak

I did a course today and we were asked to write a detailed description about an image very similar to this one. We could go in any direction our heart told us to. Some people were super positive and talked about the meaning, beauty and the accomplishment of reaching the peak. Some just touched the surface about the experience of climbing it and the sights, sounds and smells they could imagine.

Mine turned into something a little more morbid than I would have hoped, but I think it's a true reflection of some of the things I am dealing with right now.

"I put everything I had into conquering this massive beast. It meant the world to me. The vision I had of myself alone at the peak of existence, brilliant blue sky and crisp, tingling air touching my face was incredible. The journey to the top was beautiful. The challenge was overwhelming, consuming and it drove me beyond my preconceived limits. But now, as I am perched on an ash coloured boulder, I feel alone. I don't feel the serenity, solitude and calmness I expected. I feel empty and anxious. My toes are frozen. My heart is heavy. I am disappointed in myself because I have reached the ultimate and I can't appreciate it's marvel. Instead of being silent and content, breathing in every ounce of this dream, I am fixated on what comes next and how in the world I will make my way down."

What would you write about?

Kyle

It's been a while...

I literally have not signed in or typed the www.kyleshewfelt.blogspot.com address in over a month.

I don't know exactly why I have been avoiding it.

Last time I was here, I tried to complete my "Olympic Experience" post (still in the works). It brought incredible memories back to my heart, but it also felt like I was forcing myself to say what people wanted me to say. I never intended this to be a place where I told people what they wanted to hear...and I don't ever want it to be that.

I feel like I missed out on a beautiful opportunity to capitalize on the buzz that was created about this blog during the Games. I feel guilty that I didn't take advantage of that, but on the same page; I know that life most definitely will go on. Blogs don't make the world turn.

I'm sure many of you have been wondering what has been going on in my life post-Beijing. I'll be honest with you, it's been a mix of emotions. I am in a position where I am trying to figure it all out. What do I want to do? Where do I want to go? Who do I want to be? I was so singularly focused on the Olympics that I almost forgot that life does exist beyond sport. I have been taking a nice long break from training and trying to tend to the life I have beyond it. I have gone in to the gym, conditioned and played around, but I haven't done any real "gymnastics" in 2 months. The break has been nice and much needed. My body and brain were tired, in fact, they still are...an indication that I put absolutely everything I had into my Olympic prep.

Once the Olympic dust settles - a month or so after the Games actually end; it becomes particularly hard. You can't hide behind that 'Olympic' mask forever. That mask does become a really good excuse for not getting around to things. I have a list of a million and one things that need to get done that I just couldn't give any energy towards before the games. I'm slowly pecking away it, but it seems like the list just keeps getting longer and longer!

The good thing about today is that I am starting to feel the reemergence of the writer in me. It's kind of exciting actually...I feel like I am almost far enough removed from the Olympics that I can look back on it and know what went on. It's always a whirlwind and impossible to digest right away. Sometimes, for a while at least, the last thing you want to think about is the Olympics.

I do have many updates, lots of exciting news and some pretty deep thoughts roaming around in my head right now. One day soon, this blog train will start rollin' again...

Kyle

Olym-pics #2

Here are a few more...

Olym-pics #1

These are a few of my favourite shots from training and competition. Enjoy!

Camping

This past weekend, I finally went on my long anticipated camping trip with a few close friends. The planning went back months and it was all done with the intention of limiting my distractions leading up to the Games. I knew all summer long that I would be spending September long with some of my best buddies and we would be having the camping experience of a lifetime!

Well, I don't know what the deep rooted meaning of this would be, but it rained and eventually snowed while we were on our adventure. It rained all of Sunday; it literally didn't stop once. Then on Monday morning when we awoke, the snow flakes were coming down. Brrrrrr. Wet and Cold = Cranky.

I tried to smile while my fingers were freezing off, but I have discovered during my limited camping experience that I am a fair weather camper. Bring on the sun, bring on the bugs, let me hike and relax in heat. I would much prefer to roast marshmallows and drink beer in shorts than in sweats, a hoodie, down vest, mittens and a toque! Don't get me wrong, I had fun (wonderful conversation overflowed and I haven't laughed so hard about smiling clowns in my life - inside joke) and I appreciate my friends taking the time to arrange this excursion, but I thought that camping was supposed to be 3 days of sunburns, hangovers and bug bites!

Isn't it funny how life unfolds sometimes? You wait for months for an experience and then on the 3 days that you need the sun to shine it is nowhere to be found.

K.

Easily Distracted

I have been a gong show this past couple of weeks. Every time I try to sit down and write, I seem to find something else to do that is more interesting. I'm at the Olympics and I have to admit that temptation to watch events and be a part of the action (aka - drink beer) is running very high.

As I always have done in my life, I am listening to my gut and trusting that this "writers block" that I am experiencing is there for a reason. I don't want to go home in a few days and regret not taking part in absolutely every sporting event, media opportunity and party I possibly could. I was very disciplined during the process of getting here and right now I feel like I need to celebrate the HUGE accomplishment that this Games has been for me personally, my team and for all of Canada's athletes.

So, I am probably not going to write until I get home. Please know that I am on top of the world right now. I am proud and I am really looking forward to coming home and sharing this wonderful experience with as many people as possible.

Happy Closing Ceremonies and keep checking back for an update...It will arrive when the time is right.

Kyle

Apologies

Greetings friends and family,

I have been piecing together a post competition blog, but it is still a work in progress. It's been hard to find the time to get everything in there!

I want everyone to know that I am doing well and I totally appreciate your support and kindness (I am not replying to many emails right now because there is an overwhelming amount of them pouring in, but I am reading every one!). I have been smiling and enjoying the Olympics to the max. I have been extremely busy with media stuff (including helping out with the CBC men's gymnastics broadcasts which has been an awesome opportunity for me...I hope I'm doing OK and not butchering it).

I will continue to plug away and hopefully have a post up in the next couple of days.

Thanks for being patient and I hope you all are enjoying the Olympics so far!

Go Canada Go!

Kyle

http://www.kyleshewfelt.com/

08.08.08

It was exactly one year ago that I started this blog with the intention of sharing my journey in the year leading up to Beijing. I wanted to be open and honest, vulnerable and raw. I wanted to be real and I wanted to have people feel like they connected with me as a person and as a gymnast. I could have never predicted the roller coaster ride that this past year has been, but thank you all for being a part of it.

I feel like today should be the day where I write something extremely monumental and philosophical...but I have to be honest, I don't have the time or focus to put that one together right now. Maybe the philosopher in me can come and play another day. Right now I am getting into the competition zone. I am slowing things down and keeping it simple. I am breathing and I am constantly reminding myself that I am ready...because I am.


Just to give a quick update: The Brandon situation has been decided. He will compete. He will be in pain (the poor guy's ankle is black and blue, which I guess is a good thing because it means everything bad is getting out), but as I mentioned in my last post, he can fight with the best of them. I know that he is going to give his best effort and in the heat of the moment he will feel adrenaline and urgency which will help tremendously. As it turns out, it is a sprain (there are some other "doctor terms" in there, but in layman's terms, it is a sprain). A pretty major one, but one that can be managed with tape, anesthetic and pain killers. I have full faith in B and I know that tomorrow he will rise to the occasion for the team.



The entire Canadian team left for Opening Ceremonies about an hour ago...some of us decided to stay behind and catch the action on TV. I know that this is the right choice for me. It is hot out there and the night has the potential to be long and tiring. I don't know of any gymnasts from any countries that are going because we all compete within the next 2 days and we need to feel amazing.

In all 3 of my Olympic appearances, I have never been to an Opening Ceremonies. I am on the same page as many of you: I can only imagine the feeling of walking in when the announcer says, "Canada". That would be incredible and I think at that moment I would burst with Canadian pride and excitement. But I know why I am here...I am here to compete and tomorrow is the day.

I've had a pretty good pre-competition day. We trained this morning and that went well. I did some stuff on all events and spent about 2 hours in the gym. It was packed. China, Japan, Russia, France, a mixed group and us are all in our session. I'm interested in knowing who the audience will choose to watch at any given time during the competition. I'm sure the majority of the audience will be transfixed on China (duh!), but I hope that I can stand out amongst the crowd and be noticed.


In the day leading up to Olympic competition your brain plays a few tricks on you. At one moment you have yourself convinced that you are going to be calm and nail your routines, but then the next you have these thoughts of doubt creep in. Today I imagined myself missing something that I have never missed. I am not going to say what it was because I don't want to jinx myself, but I got a little mad at myself for even thinking it. Why am I trying to sabotage my own performance?? Seriously, I think a lot of athletes do it. I think it is very normal, very natural, but it is so frustrating. I go through this vicious cycle every time I am at a big competition and so I am trying to not let is phase me, but it is not something that I like experiencing. My goal for tomorrow is to constantly tell myself that I am ready, prepared, awesome, finely tuned and incredibly good looking (inside joke)!

I had a conversation with Susan, my wonderful physio, today about how I am going to try and not be too excited tomorrow while I am competing. Why should I be? I am just going out there and doing the same thing that I have been doing for the past few months. I have to go in there and hit 4 routines for my team. I'm not hoping for a miracle. I have already created one. This kind of thinking puts my mind at ease...

Well, I should end this post. I could write forever tonight, but I should really be visualizing and resting. I have some energy that I need to store in a safe and happy place so I can feel better tomorrow than I have ever felt.

I know that I am not going to have the best sleep tonight, but that was in my plan. I am going to keep to myself tomorrow and just get myself deeper in the zone. When you are all watching me compete, I want you to know that I am going to be enjoying every moment of it and appreciating the opportunity, but it just might look like I am a very serious athlete!

I can't wait to write my next post.

Kyle

Podium Training

So the past couple of days have been a little hectic.

I'm sure those of you who are following the team have heard about Brandon's ankle injury. I happened on Monday night and it was one of those freak things that you could never predict. He wasn't doing anything crazy, he was just completing a routine that he has done a whole whack of times since we started this preparation process (He has been doing them incredibly well, in fact). He had a mat in for safety. His coach was standing there. Everything looked good and then he just landed a little short. It happens to every gymnast at one point or another, but in this case it was a little more serious. Brandon is one tough F--ker. I have seen him in pain before many a time and he just grits through it. When he landed this time it was different. He knew it wasn't just a crunched ankle that he could walk off in 10 minutes. My heart broke for him because I know what it feels like all too well to be laying on the side of the floor feeling helpless and having a million thoughts rush through your head.

He came back to the village immediately and went to the Polyclinic for some xray and all that jazz (This place could seriously become a small town..Olympicville, Olympicmore, Olympicmere, Olympicowna, Olympicbrook- that one sounds nice) Luckily, there are no breaks, bone bruises or fractures. I am not a doctor so I won't even try to diagnose it, but I can tell you that B has been doing physio every hour possible. He has been icing, elevating, taking an anti-inflam, taping, moving, massaging, stretching...he is doing everything he can. We are even bringing food to him so that he can take advantage of every second possible to heal in time. We are a team and when one is wounded we all help in every way we can. I am sending my positive vibes to Brandon and so is everyone else.

The hardest part about this is the fact that we still have to compete on Saturday. That does not change. We don't get an injury extension...do any sports get those? I wish we did, but at 4 pm in Beijing on Saturday August 9th, the competition will begin regardless. Harsh reality, but reality.
A decision of whether he is good enough to go will be made at some point, I don't know when, but I am leaving that up to Brandon and the coaches. I know my job and it is to keep focused, be supportive and get myself prepared to compete on Saturday. 'Control what I can control' has always been a very steady motto for me.


So, moving in another direction, today was podium training. For those of you who don't know what that is, let me quickly explain.

In gymnastics you get one chance to try out the competition venue and apparatus and that is at podium training. The judges are there (in jeans and sneakers! much more relaxing for the athletes than the suits they usually dissect you in) and the media has a chance to check out who looks good and who looks not so good (I hope that I get a big check in the "looks great!" column). Each team gets about 20 minutes per event and we move in the order that we will during the actual competition (rings, vault, pbars, hbar, floor, pommel horse). We wear our competition uniforms and it is basically a dress rehearsal before the big show. If you make a mistake, no worries because you can just try again. If you don't want to do a whole routine, no problem...be lazy (except Edouard, our National coach would be kickin some major ass if we decided on podium training day that we just didn't feel like it!). It is more relaxed than the real deal, but I have always tried to make it feel 75% real. If I can lift a car above my head on competition day then on podium training day I would be able to lift up the back bumper with ease, but I would put the car down right away knowing that it will be no problem to heave it over my noggin' when it actually matters.

One thing that I don't think a lot of people realize is that this is our ONLY chance to touch the apparatus before competition day. I literally spent less than 2 minutes total on highbar today. I have worked my whole life and I get 2 measly minutes to try out the equipment that could decide my destiny...doesn't seem fair, but it's the way it is and everyone has to deal with it. Can you imagine test driving a car for 2 minutes and then paying a ridiculous amount of money -I'm talking years and years of salary, like 20 of them- to buy it outright. That would be crazy, wouldn't it. Gymnastics can be a little crazy sometimes too, but I still love it with all my heart.

Anyway, enough with the random tangents. Let's get on with podium training:

We started our day on rings. I am first up. I like this position. I get to start the party which is great because I like parties. My job is to do a clean and simple routine. I am usually embarrassed to do this event at big competitions because it is not my forte, but this time around I am cool with it. I am not great at this event and I know that, but I am pretty happy with how clean my routine is. Today was no exception. I did a great job. I held all of my strength parts and swung to handstand cleanly. The only thing that I would like improve is my dismount landing. I took a small hop. Bad boy. It's all about the sticking at the Olympics!

I had an amazing sense of calm over me today on rings. I was focused and present and I felt so comfortable and ready. I didn't feel like I was doing rings at Olympic podium training. It was just another day of training. That is a good thing. That means I am ready.

Vault went well. It's always fun at the Olympics because there is a camera that chases you down the run way. That thing is so annoying! I remember at my first Olympics in Sydney I actually stopped after a couple of steps because I didn't expect this thing to chase me down. I'm more used to it now and I try to ignore it, but regardless of how focused I am, I still know that little bastard is there.

I sometimes make the mistake of trying to stick my vault. What I have learned from experience is that when you stand at the end and think "stick stick stick" you almost always fall on your ass. It's because you try too hard to be perfect and you open up early and get a little under rotated. So, today I made that error. I thought about sticking and I landed a little short, but I didn't fall. What I need to think is "small hop forward small hop forward small hop forward". This will give me a better chance of sticking and if I don't then I will at least only take a small hop and my team won't suffer a near fall (and I won't have a heart attack when my ass almost hits the ground!).

I have been struggling with the decision of whether or not to do a second vault here. It was a hard battle back to get my Shewfelt (Yurchenko 2.5) perfected and I didn't have too much time to work on a higher start value second vault. In order to make individual finals you need to perform 2 different vaults. The plan is to nail my first one and then do a great second one, but with a little lower start value. I am not a crazy vaulter like some guys. I don't do the double flipping vaults nor will I ever attempt them. I broke my legs once and I don't need to do it again thank you. But my chances for finals are quite slim because many guys will do at least 2, 7.0 start value vaults. My starts will be 6.6 and 6.2. If I am super clean then I could sneak into finals...if someone else falls; which I honestly hope they don't because they deserve to land and not die.

My next event was highbar. This event has been so consistent for me lately. I have been hitting routines easily and today that trend continued. I caught my releases and even stuck my dismount -thought I'd show everyone that my legs are OK. In competition I really want to keep my legs together on my def because that would be the "perfect" feeling to do that at the Olympics games. It always feels great to know that you have done your absolute best out there...in fact, I think that feels better than a medal any day.

My last event today was floor. Oh floor, how I love you.

I warmed up and did my arabian double pike for the second time without a mat, Yeah me(I did my first one the other day in training...I thought it was important to have one under my belt before a lot of people would be watching)! It felt great and I just reminded myself to BEND my legs on landing! The floor is a little softer in the competition gym than it is in the training hall. It has a little bit different of a bounce (or it could have been the energy and excitement that I had in me) and it took me a couple of turns to get used to it, but now I am totally comfortable.

I went through a routine and it was clean, but I know that I will do it better on Saturday. I only did a half twist in one part where I should have done a 1.5, but that is minor in the big picture. It only lowered my start value by .1 and I covered it up well. I re-did it at the end and it was kind of a funny situation. I tried one and totally got bucked out by the floor. Then I walked back and talked to Tony for a second. I told him that I wanted to do it again, but I felt a little weird because it felt like everyone was watching me. Then I looked up and we were on the big screen. Tony laughed and said, "Well Kyle, I hate to tell ya, but everyone IS watching you. Now go and do it again and do it the way you know how to". And I did.

It felt amazing to be out there tonight. I tried to take a second to appreciate the enormity of this moment in my life. It's hard for me right now to grasp what I am accomplishing here because I feel like I am just doing my job. I am in a bubble and I don't want it to burst, but I have a feeling that when the competition is done I am going to take a look back at how far I've come, to those days when I couldn't straighten my leg and was just pushing it as far as I could and dreaming of being here, and I am going to see this experience for much more than I can right now. I am not immune to emotion, but I am very focused and I am trying to be as much in the present and the NOW as possible. When I do take a minute to reflect on the past I get shivers. I get shivers because I know exactly how hard I had to struggle to get here. I appreciate this, every ounce of it, but I don't think I am going to realize the meaning that this experience holds until I am done competing.

I have come so far and today was just one step closer. I am living the dream that I worked very hard to create. I am proud of myself. I am at the Olympics and I am not only ready to compete, but I am ready to show an amazing performance. A journalist asked me tonight about whether or not the victory is in just being here. In one way, yes it is. That is a huge victory. But I am also not the type of person to be content with being a participant. I am a competitor and I am ready to fight.

Podium training today was fun and it confirmed to me that I am almost ready for the real thing. In 3 more sleeps I definitely will be!


Kyle

Imminent Deadline

Have you ever been sitting there and all of a sudden realized that one day you will actually die?

I don't get this feeling often, but sometimes it comes along and freaks the shit out of me. It puts me into a panic and I feel like I am on a heroine trip (I, of course, have never done heroine and never will, but I have watched the movie 'Trainspotting' a few times and I am just assuming that is what it would be like - babies on the roof are scary!). You get a little dizzy, your stomach sinks to the deepest depths and your neck starts sweating. When it all comes down to it, our days on Earth on numbered...and so are my days until Olympic competition. 5 more sleeps in fact. Wowzers.

The reason I mentioned the "death" feeling is because that is the only feeling I have ever experienced that feels slightly the same as knowing competition day is coming.

I have been getting these pangs of nervousness in the last couple of days. They come and they hit hard. I feel a knot in my stomach, a lump in my throat and my hands start to sweat profusely. I can't control these attacks, but luckily they come and go quickly. It's almost like I'm going into labour and these are my contractions! Breathe. It's a constant reminder that this is real. I am not in a dream. Competition day is coming fast and I only have a certain amount of exact hours and minutes until I compete.

Deadlines are stressful. They eat you alive. I feel like a caged lion and I know I have to roam around and go through the motions for a few more days until I am set into the wild and I can show the world what I've got. Waiting is the hardest part. It's so friggin' cruel. I don't want to wait anymore. It's killing me.

On the other end of the spectrum, sometimes I just want to run and hide. I'm not gonna lie, I am afraid. I'm afraid because I care. It's scary when you put everything on the line and you only have a moment to prove how hard you've worked. It's also extremely exhilarating and as much as I like to pretend that I HATE these feelings, I know that they are what bring me to be my best. I am a warrior preparing for battle and my body is just getting ready to do it's thing. I am going to feel like I can lift a car on competition day!

It's crazy how you subconsciously prepare for imminent deadlines. I notice that I start to talk a little funny. I get a weird energy and buzz in my voice. My hands become a little shaky. I spend more time writing. I become very reflective. My ability to plan ahead goes out the window. I get a little quiet. My answers to questions seems lazy and lame (sorry media friends, I am not interesting right now). All of my energy is going into gymnastics and I'm saving everything I can for Saturday.

Training the past couple of days has been going well. I am always a little sore after a day off (weird, I know, but I think it's because my body starts to go back to the way it's supposed to be and having a normal body hurts as a gymnast!) and we got the day off on Saturday. Sunday was a little bit of a struggle in the morning. My body was achy and I didn't feel as fast as I did on Friday. I tried not to let that rent too much space in my head and I just did some conditioning, warmed up and saved my events for the afternoon.

Much to my surprise, everything was ultra easy on Sunday night. Phew. It didn't feel like it should have been, but it was. This is how I know I am ready. Even when I feel a little off I can still be great.

Today, Monday, we had one routine. I breezed through it. I don't want to train anymore. Let me compete!!!!

Here's some "Olympic" life news...The village is getting more and more packed which is exciting on one page, but a pain in the ass on another. It's so funny how some countries weren't brought up with the same manners system that we have in Canada. A line? What is a line? In the mornings I need a coffee. It's my only addiction and it is widely accepted through out the world so I don't feel that bad about it. Anyway, the only place to get good coffee in the village is at the McCafe. Yes, McDonald's is just like Starbucks...soon McCafe's will be on every corner as well! As more people come to the village, the crazier it gets in the morning with all of the other java abusers. So the system is: you line up forever, order and then stand in another never ending line to get your coffee. Well, I have learned that you don't order a "general" coffee drink. You have to add something crazy like a vanilla shot or mocha-choca-latte-yeahyeah...whatever. If you order a cappuccino then good luck! Let's just say that someone who was at the end of your 'ordering' line will go right to the front of the 'pick up' line and grab the first cappuccino that is delivered by one of the cute little Chinese barista girls. Excuse me! How rude. I always smile and push through everyone when my "special" order is up. Get outta my way and let me have my coffee god damn it!

How about the weather?! It has been an inferno here. Yesterday it was 35C and with the humidex it was 45C. I love the heat, but that was just messy hot. You would walk outside and be sweating, train and sweat and then even sweat after a shower. There was no escaping it. I can't even imagine being an "outdoor" athlete. I would pass out and die. There was some good news to the incredibly hot days - the sun was shining and the sky was blue...except for today when it was smoggy and hot. That's not a nice combo.

We are in a training group with China and they have been MIA until today. We saw them at morning training and they looked awesome. I don't envy the pressure they are under though. In China, Gold is the only colour that matters. If I was to make a prediction, I would say that they will win. They are so strong, well prepared and deep. I am a sucker for Japanese gymnastics (they are so calm and they just seem to love what they do), but I think China will be the victor here...I at least hope they are. Their futures will be much brighter if they pull off the win!

My teammates, Nathan and Adam have passed the "Easy" level of Dance Dance Revolution. Congratulations. They're shooting for "Hard" by the end of the games. I have faith that their practice will pay off!


I also wanted to quickly mention that I have been getting all of the kind and thoughtful emails through my website http://www.kyleshewfelt.com/. I really appreciate everyone writing and inspiring me. I wanted to share a few thoughts that came my way...

"Some times things have to be taken away from us before we truly understand their value and what true hunger really is."

"It's about the scariness of lining up when you have a chance"

And

"Breath, love, live - every moment"


I am trying.

I am feeling great and ready for the next bout of nervousness that should hit in about 2 minutes time!

Kyle

Getting into the Beijing Groove

Yesterday was the day I had been waiting for since arriving in Beijing.

I had been feeling a little out of sorts and almost like my brain and body hadn't quite arrived in China yet! My brain felt tired (fighting to keep my eyes open was a constant battle), disorientated (some skills like a def - a one and a half twisting release move- on highbar were very interesting!), confused (why is it lunch time and I am not hungry at all?). My body felt heavy (I am not fat, in fact I am 'ripped' Kyle right now, but sitting on your arse for 20 hours can make you feel like you have a little extra junk in your trunk), slow (most things, gymnastically speaking, felt sluggish and laboured) and a little frustrated that things weren't falling into place the way I dreamt they would. There were a couple of times I thought, "I'm at the Olympics...why don't I feel AMAZING?! Have I lost my passion? Why didn't I hold off on that McDonalds cheeseburger until after the competition?! What's wrong with me? Life is over!!!" (OK, maybe a little dramatic, but you have to remember that I am an actor -cough, White Palms, cough- extraordinaire! haha)

I guess I was just being a freak and over analyzing my state of being as per usual.

As it turns out, all I really needed was just a couple of days to get adjusted. Yesterday, folks, was absolutely AMAZING!

I had another one of those training days where it felt like no obstacle could get in my way. My brain was there, I was focused and driven. My body was there, I felt fast and powerful. My emotions were in check, I felt like I was at the Olympics and it totally empowered me.

Our training plan for yesterday was 1 routine on each. At this point in the game you want to take a couple of quick warm up turns and then show your coach and your team one incredible routine. Sounds easy enough...and yesterday it was.

You know those days when you have a 'things to do list' that is long, you know it will require efficiency and effort, but there is nothing in your mind that will stop you from getting it done. By the end of the day you've got your car washed, picked up your dry cleaning, bought a card at the dollar store, gone grocery shopping, dropped off your prescription, got your hair cut and even bought a bottle of wine for the party you're going to in a couple of days. Well, yesterday was my errand day. Except instead of buying and cleaning, I was planche-ing, yurchenko-ing, double double-ing and tkatchev-ing! haha. I was on fire.

Not only did I look like a champ yesterday, but my entire team did as well. Everyone was hitting routines like they were going out of style. I think Edouard got a little bit dizzy at a few points in the day because as soon as one guy landed then another was calling his name to come over and watch. It was great. It makes me smile right now just thinking about it. Momentum is such a powerful thing. As an athlete, on those days that things just click you feel like you are absolutely invincible.

This is a great way to be feeling right now. It's exactly what I wanted and expected, but I wasn't getting the confirmation in training until yesterday. Now that I have it, I feel like my focus is going down one level deeper. I am getting a little more prepared for my battle.

One week left.

Kyle