I'm Not Giving In

I thought that I would give a quick update as to how this week has been going.

I feel old, tired, achy and a little bit cranky too. I've had a few freak outs. Today's was particularly awesome - "F----ing Bi--------------------------tch" (the last word was long and loud and had tons of frustration behind it! It echoed for a minute too. haha.). But I only yelled because I really care.

I guess you could say that Mission: Get tired, both mentally and physically = Accomplished. And I still have one day left to go, which I'm way too excited about!

I am actually quite nervous about going to bed tonight because I don't know if I will be able to walk like a normal human being tomorrow morning when I wake up. I am pretty sure that I am going to have to limp, tip toe, shuffle and heave myself to the bathroom in the morning. Ahhhh, the life of an Olympic gymnast. Gotta love it.

I think this is the worst part about pushing yourself your limits...you have to pay before you get your reward. And waking up and feeling like your body has been beaten is a harsh reality of becoming the best in this sport.

The good thing, and something that I try to keep in mind often, is that the reward does come eventually...once you've had some time to recover. That time will come, but not for a little while. There are still a few weeks of 'pushing myself far far beyond my point of comfort' that have to happen. Crazy thing is, as much as I try to evoke the emotion of hate towards feeling like crap, I actually love this feeling. I love punishing myself...don't get me wrong, I'm not into S & M, but when my mind and body are tired and I am on the verge of breaking down then I have evidence that I have been pushing myself hard. If I felt great right now, I would be a little worried.

I can't remember a time in my gymnastics past where I've put forth the effort that I have been lately. I can look back and remember times when I was tired and knew that I had worked hard, but right now is like, 'day in day out, can't waste a minute, must go till death' kind of pushing myself. And with the time I lost because of injury, I desperately need to. I feel this sense of urgency and I am trying to embrace it.

I have been asking myself the question,"How bad do I want this?", many times in the past week. At morning training today I literally could not rebound across the floor in warm up. I felt like my shins were going to explode. But then this afternoon, I came in to the gym knowing that I needed to tumble and I found a way to shut out the pain and just do it.

When you have 42 days left until the most important competition of your life begins, you don't give in. You can't. You want to, but after you have come this far, there is no way that you can let yourself down. They say that champions are not defined by the moments they are on top and feeling great, but rather by how they push themselves forward when they are down and struggling. I am proving to myself that I do have a "Champion's" attitude. There is absolutely no way I am giving in now.

I'm Off to bed...actually I'm half-sleeping already! Wish me luck with surviving one more day!

Kyle

www.kyleshewfelt.com

Inspired Contentment

I am home now from our first Olympic camp and I feel incredibly energized and motivated. I feel a huge sense of belief in myself and a desire to rise to the next level...which I guess would be Olympic level!

I wasn't dreading last weeks camp before it started, but I was very anxious about it. I had some restless sleeps in the week beforehand thinking about the possibility that I would fail and leave the camp feeling defeated. I definitely didn't want that to happen, but in times of doubt those negative thoughts can come creeping in and rent way too much space in your head.

I knew the day would come where I'd be put into the uncomfortable position of competing again. I say uncomfortable because when you haven't competed in a while, it's pretty scary to step out there and have all eyes on you. It's unfamiliar and you feel very very naked (plus, the tight gymnastics pants don't leave too much to the imagination!)! You can't hide any of your mistakes because everyone is looking for them. I guess I just doubted the strength that I would have inside of myself to face it and make competing again a positive experience.

As it turns out, it was the ultimate positive experience for me. I was so proud and so pleased at the end of the camp. I couldn't wait until I could get back into the gym and become even better!

Just to give a quick run down of my second day of competition: Firstly, it was a lot less stressful than day 1! I definitely felt a lot more confident and comfortable while I was doing my routines. It honestly felt like I was right back in the mix and hadn't missed a beat. I think that everything on the second day was a little bit better than the first. One thing in particular that was a huge improvement was my floor routine. I went through a more difficult routine and it was cleaner than the first day. I did however almost die on my third pass when I just about landed on my head on a 1 3/4 roll out, but I held my flip position a little longer and bounced off of my back rather than imploding my skull into the floor! Some of my teammates told me that this was the first time I had ever scared them on floor (besides when I landed with 2 straight legs!)...believe me, I scared myself a bit.

But doing stupid things like this is part of the process. You need opportunities to make small errors so that you can come back the next time and get some redemption. If anything, I am glad that I made some small mistakes because it has motivated me to fix everything that was a little off.

Right now, as I am sitting here writing this, I am grinning from ear to ear. 'Inspired Contentment' could be the name of the emotion I am experiencing. I am in such a good frame of mind right now. I feel like anything is possible. I am thrilled that I am now in a position where I can push myself to my limit and really show myself what I am made of. I thought that I wanted to succeed badly before, but now, with less than 2 months to go, I feel like nothing can stand in my way. The blinders are on. Gymnastics is my main priority and everything else must take back seat.

I have no time for distractions, nor any desire to misbehave and let myself down. Now is the time to commit myself 100% to my goal. I feel guilty if I do anything that will not bring me one step closer to being my best. I have been eating right (If someone put a bag of Miss Vickie's Sea Salt and Malt Vinegar chips in front of me right now, drool would disgustingly stream from my mouth...that's why I don't have any in my house. Out of sight, out of mind!), taking my vitamins everyday (have you ever had a horse pill get stuck half way down and then you burp vitamin flavour all day??!), icing after each training session (can you say shrinkage?), saying NO to patio outings (that one is killing me!!! soon, Kyle, soon!), going to bed at a very decent hour (Calgary stays light until 10:30 right now...when the sun is down I hibernate)...I am being a very good boy. Discipline is essential to success. There were some crazy times in the past 10 months where I went to bed not knowing what the next day would hold. It was almost as if I was hoping to feel great as the sun rose. Now though, I am taking control and I making sure to do everything in my power to ensure that I wake up feeling alive, passionate and ready to push myself.




My main priority for this week is to do as many numbers as possible. I need to be tired, both physically and mentally by the end of this week. I need to know that I can do a great routine even when I am tired. This way I will know that when I feel fresh and it's time to do the routine in competition then it will be easy as pie. We have one week of training in our home gym and then its back into another camp starting July 3rd. I am really looking forward to being even more ready!

I love this shift that I am experiencing. I am going from an athlete to a competitor. I knew this time would come, I just didn't know when. The transition that I am experiencing in terms of confidence, focus and presence is uplifting and powerful. I think the past training camp lifted my spirit and my confidence in the exact way that I needed it to. I proved to myself that I am almost there. I showed myself that I am capable of this.

It's no longer a dream, it's right in front of me and it's up to me to make the most of this beautiful opportunity.

Kyle

ps- I filmed some video's from camp and will get them up as soon as I can.

www.kyleshewfelt.com

I'm Baaaack!

I'm Baaaack!

I have to admit, I was pretty nervous in the day leading up to last nights competition. I tried to be calm and cool and just conserve my energy so that I would be able to explode when it was time to compete.

During warm up I tried to stay relaxed by taking lots of deep breaths and moving at a slow pace in between turns. I didn't want to go off and then have nothing left for the competition. I just wanted to get warm and hit one of each skill.

I am a planner. I've discussed it here before, but planning keeps me feeling calm and in control. I made a plan in the afternoon yesterday and I followed it to a T during warm up. Run, stretch, basic tumbling, vault, highbar, rings and then floor.

After the warm up was over, it was time to compete.

During our competition yesterday, we had a pretty big audience at the gym. Nothing crazy, but a good 150-200 people. That's not bad for a gymnastics meet in Canada! Usually we only have 5 people watching our test competitions. It was great to have an audience. I really liked having people in the gym. It created some electricity and some atmosphere that I think all of the guys enjoyed and appreciated.

The competition started on rings - this will be our first event in Beijing and so we will be starting with this event during all of our test competitions over the summer. I think this is an awesome place to start because it's quite hard to make mistakes on rings and you are almost guaranteed to stay on the apparatus! I have never seen anyone "fall" off of rings!

Because I am the weakest member of our team on rings, I'm the lucky one who gets to start the party! The way it usually works is that a team has their weakest guy go first and then the strongest guy go last so that the scores build. This creates some momentum and it gives the 'strongest' guy some more time to prepare himself to be a beast!!!

Well, being first up was a bit nerve wracking. Not only because I haven't competed in a while, but also because I wanted to start the day off right for myself and my team. When I was standing there waiting to compete, I kept trying to remind myself that this was just another routine and I needed to be relaxed and present.

Finally, after all of the other guys were done there one touch warm up, the head judge saluted me and it was go time!

Tony, my coach, lifted me up to the rings. I got a good grip and just hung there for a second. The music was playing softly in the background and I could vaguely hear it. Then, to my surprise, I heard the music turn off. I was completely distracted for a second. It was absolutely silent. It became very clear to me that every eye in the building was watching me. Oh shit.

Well, after the initial shock and distraction of silence, I figured that there wasn't much I could do about it so I quickly focused myself and began my routine.

I held my strength moves and swung pretty cleanly. I did my dismount, a tucked double twisting double back, and took a small step. I was on my feet and really happy with the way it went.

The crowd cheered! My teammates gave me props. One of my teammates, Dave Kikuchi, welcomed me back to the world of competitive gymnastics!

I was relieved! First routine down.

Oh, how I love competing!

My next event was vault. I felt fast and smooth on my run, tight and quick on my take off and I absolutely nailed my landing. I picked up right where I left off 10 months ago...well, maybe I'm a little wiser and more appreciative of my ability since then!

I don't compete on parallel bars, but was treated to awesome performances by my team. The whole time I was watching I was trying to pretend that this was the Olympics and I needed to stay focused and warm for my next 2 events, highbar and floor.

I was uber nervous for highbar. I don't know why, but I always get into a weird state of mind when it comes to competing this event. It might be because the routine that I do is very easy for me and I want to do it perfectly and that distracts me a bit because I don't see much room for error. I also know that I should be able to perform it easily and I take that for granted a bit.

Before I competed here, I tried to get myself into a really present and positive mind set. I told myself to be a warrior and attack the routine.

I saluted the judges and got lifted up to the bar.

I brought my toes to the bar, did a beat swing and swung up to handstand. After catching both of my release moves, I only had a few small deductions through out the rest of the routine (a couple of missed handstands and a heel bonk on one of my inbar elements). I can definitely make it cleaner over the next weeks, but I was really happy that I hit my routine!

3 routines down, 3 hits, one left to go...floor, the BIG one.

I was most anxious about this routine. Not only because I am the current Olympic Champion on this event, but because it is the routine that I have had the least amount of numbers on. For me, it has been the biggest challenge because I want to be GREAT on this event, not just content with average.

As it was my turn to perform, I could sense the anticipation in the crowd. I could also sense it within the coaches, my teammates and myself.

I tried to rely on my previous competition experience and trust that I was going to be fast and aggressive when I needed to be.

The judges gave me the go ahead. I saluted them and got into my zone.

I took a deep breath, stepped into the corner and began my routine.

First pass: arabian double pike. HUGE!

Second pass: clean

third pass: smooth, but then I bailed out on the third skill and just did a front pike rather than a 1 3/4 roll out. It's OK. Keep going.

Fourth pass: whip, layout thomas (this is a new addition!). Successfully done.

Fifth pass: Handspring to front double twist. Clean.

Then I had a decision to make. Was I going to go for a full-twisting double back or be ultra safe and just do a simple layout dismount. I felt strength and determination in my legs and my mind so I went for the full twisting double back...and landed it! Phew.

I think this had to be my biggest victory of the day (it is and was pretty obvious, I'm sure). Even though I made a couple of mistakes and used mats on most of my passes, I felt like this was a HUGE step forward. I was ecstatic when I completed this routine. I felt like I validated my potential to myself, my team, the coaches, judges, audience and press. Being out there competing on the floor felt so right.

Now, I have a confession to make: during the week of Nationals, I created a new routine with a big start value and I neglected to share. It was just an idea at first, something that I wanted to play around with, but then I thought really hard about it and decided that it was actually possible.

Not only is it possible, but I believe I will be able to do it well. I'm inspired.

I am going to push myself to get 6 tumbling passes in my routine. In Athens I had 4 and I have been doing 5 passes through all of this cycle. Now I guess urgency has been creeping up on me and I have given in. I was completely against 6 passes in a floor routine because I think it takes away an athletes opportunity to do some artistic corner parts. These creative and artistic elements are how I earned my international reputation and I think it was the big factor that contributed to my victory at the last Olympic Games. But, the good news is that I think I have come up with a blend of tumbling and artistry that will not compromise my integrity or my style.
Yesterday was the first day that I competed a routine with 6 passes. Could it be true that I am actually IMPROVING after my injury??? Maybe. Just maybe :)

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Mission: Compete Again = Complete.

I felt proud. I felt overwhelmed. I felt energized. I felt comfortable and I felt inspired.

It was a grand day for me and I managed to take a moment at the end of it all and really appreciate the opportunity. I have fought so hard to get to this point. I still have a ways to go, but everyday I am proving to myself that I can do it. One small victory at a time.


Kyle
www.kyleshewfelt.com


ps- I forgot how hard it was to sleep after a competition. I was friggin' wired all night long!

Competing Tonight

I just wanted to give a quick update.

I am in Edmonton right now for our first Olympic training camp. Things are going great and we compete in a 'test' competition tonight! It will be the first time I'll perform my routines in front of judges in a competition setting since my injury. Exciting, but a little scary!

I'm using tonight as an opportunity to gage where I'm at. I've been working hard in the gym and I hope tonight confirms that. I am not expecting too much. I just want to trust myself and hit my routines. Tonight is my starting off point and I keep telling myself that I need to start somewhere!

I am looking forward to the adrenaline rush that competition brings. It's been a while since I've had those pre-competition butterflies. In fact, I am starting to get them right now. I feel like my heart is beating a little faster and my hands are a little shaky. I am trying to embrace these feelings and recognize that they are good things. They will help me tonight.

This afternoon I am going to do a lot of visualization and spend a lot of time convincing myself that I am ready. This is definitely a very normal way for me to act in the lead up to a competition. I kind of get into my own little world and start building up my strength, power and confidence. I want to attack my performance tonight. I want to rise to the occasion and not back away from it.

I know that people are going to be watching and expecting me to be in "Olympic Champion" form. I am simply not going to be at the same point tonight that I want to be at in Beijing. I am going to be a bit rusty, but it will be a chance for me to work out the kinks and start this process of being ready for the Games.

Wish me luck and stay tuned for an update.

Now, it's time to Breath, Relax and Chill. Tonight is going to be fun!

Kyle
www.kyleshewfelt.com

Top Secret

My decision to withdraw from the Canadian Championships last week was absolutely the right decision. Without the stress and worry of not being fully ready for competition, the week turned out to be incredibly productive. I was a man on a mission and I had some amazing training!

I made training my priority last week (the week of Nationals is usually an opportunity to get overloaded with interviews, school visits, autograph signings etc. and forget about taking care of #1). I made my media schedule conducive to a little breather before my training started. I cut off my autograph signings at the time I said I would because I needed to get to the gym. I am usually the type of guy who will sign until the very last person gets their turn, but this week I needed to be a bit selfish. I hope I didn't disappoint any kids...

I was in uplifted spirits all week. You know how sometimes you see people and you just tell them that you are doing awesome, but it's not a genuine, heart felt and believable "I'm Awesome!". Well, last week I actually believed myself when I told people how I was doing because quite frankly, I felt bloody awesome all week long! I felt like everything was starting to fall into place and I felt excited about the surprises I am going to show people when I am back into the mix in a few weeks.

I felt like people didn't know if they should believe me or not when I told them I am doing great. In all reality, I withdrew from the competition and no one really saw me train. What would I expect them to believe based on the evidence. I trained in my 'home' gym and not in the 'Nationals' training gym with the rest of the crew. It's hard to predict where a gymnast really is at unless you see them train. I guess I was in top secret training mode. I felt like I was completely in the background getting myself prepared...kind of like Rocky or something. Eye of the Tiger! I wasn't in the spotlight or the forefront and coming to my training session was like an exclusive "invitation only" kind of deal. I felt like a musician preparing for their tour and only a few people got backstage passes to see the rehearsal.

But those who did come (our National coach Edouard, my former coach Kelly, my good friends Chris and Cindy Waller) told me that they were blown away! It was a great feeling to get promising reviews from people who's opinions I really value.

My hard work is paying off. It really is. Things are starting to feel easier every day. I know that I am getting into great shape when I come into the gym and my brain is a little tired, but my body is able to do my routines. That, to me, is the difference between getting into shape and being in shape; being in shape means that you don't have to think too much.

One of my teammates, Nathan (who you might remember as the 'amazing' singer in some of my previous videos), had a rough day on Thursday. He is a highbar genius, but couldn't put it together during Thursday's competition. He looked like a deer in headlights and he came off of the bar a couple of times. After finishing up his routine he walked away and looked like he had just seen someone get hit by a car (I think he felt like he was run over by a bus). I took him into the back training gym and let him vent out his frustrations to me. He was clearly upset at his inability to go out there and show the judges, the coaches and the audience how great he actually is on highbar. When he expressed this to me, something inside of my own brain clicked...he was thinking too much before he went. He was thinking about the judges. He was thinking about the coaches (granted, Edouard our National coach was standing right there with intimidation written all over his face!). He was thinking too much about the outcome of the routine and not enough about the actual performance. Uh huh! Eureka. A discovery was made. Thinking too much before a routine can actually make the routine go bad. I think that an athletes biggest enemy is themselves and sometimes their own thoughts. When you salute the judge you need to let your body take over and turn your brain off.

So what does an athlete do when they have had a disastrous performance and must finish the competition. I guess there are 2 options. 1. Dwell on it and suck even more. 2. Accept that it happened, get focused and fight like you've never fought before on your next events. Luckily, Nathan chose option 2 and rocked his floor routine. I like to call it the "F%$^ it, F%$^ that, F#$% what happened, F#$% everyone and get F^%$in focused!" option. The heat of the moment makes me say the "F" word a lot! I should have been a trucker...

Watching my teammates compete gave me butterflies. Firstly because I am excited about getting out there and competing, but secondly because our team is on FIRE! The guys all looked awesome. Of course, there were a few mistakes, but that is perfectly fine 2 months before the games. It gives you something to work on and will keep you working hard towards the Olympics. Sometimes when you are perfect too early then you get bored and training seems like a chore, but when you have improvements to make then you feel inspired. I guess the thought of "being better than you already are" turns the crank of many athletes, me included.

This men's team is the best Canada has ever produced. We have a core group of guys who could all legitimately be on the team. We have never experienced this depth before and I think it will lead us to achieving history in Beijing!

Congratulations to all of the guys on another successful Nationals. I'm looking forward to spending the next 2 months training beside them rather than in the background!

Kyle

www.kyleshewfelt.com

Withdrawing From Canadian Championships

Over the past couple of months I have had the goal and intention of competing at the Canadian Championships (CC's). I originally thought that it would be the perfect opportunity to show how far I have progressed and to get back into the "competition" swing of things.

I wanted to be prepared to compete because the opportunity was so awesome. CC's are in my city this year; Calgary. It had so much potential to be something amazing. I don't often get the chance to compete at home. Actually, the last time I competed here was more than 2 years ago at the Jurassic Classic. Before that, it was our Olympic trials in the summer of 2004 (What a great competition that was!!). I wanted to somehow recreate the magic of trials at CC's and use it as motivation heading into the final 2 months of Olympic preparation. I wanted this to be a positive experience that would propel me forward. I wanted to come out of CC's feeling like I was making huge progress and that everyone in the audience would know that "Kyle" was back and ready to challenge.

But, I'm not quite there yet. I tried. I really, really tried. A week or so ago, I felt something sink inside of my stomach as the thought of competing became a REAL reality. I'm just not ready to go out there and make myself vulnerable. I am not confident enough yet to come out of this competition with positive feelings. I haven't been able to do the numbers that I need to in order to feel like this could be an experience that would propel me forward.

I have the tendency to trust my gut and listen to my heart. I’m very thankful for that. When I don't; I always end up regretting it. Like when I bought my hardwood. I knew I shouldn't have gotten it from “Floors R Us”, but I didn't listen. I just wanted to get it done. That was a mistake. I don't want to make a mistake in this process, especially when I am so close to being back in the game.

This time around my gut is telling me that not competing this week will put me in the exact position I need to be in. I need to spend this week training and putting in the numbers I missed out on because of my injury. I need to do each turn with the intention that it is the only one that counts, but I am not quite in a position where I feel it would be positive to put myself out there and actually have consequences for messing up a routine. I don't like competing when I don't feel prepared. It's like throwing someone into shark infested waters! That's just trouble waiting to happen. I can swim, but those sharks are a little scary right now (I guess the sharks would be the external expectation).

I am better off now because I prepared for this competition, but I know deep inside that not competing is absolutely the right decision.

For those of you who haven't noticed, I set quite a high standard for myself. I'm a perfectionist. It’s one of my best and worst qualities all in one! I like to show what I am capable of and not what I am lacking. I know the severity of my injury. I know how hard I have worked and how far I have come. I know better than anyone how far I have left to go. The thing is, not everyone knows the position I am in. Not everyone knows what circumstances my gymnastics is in right now. As much as I like to pretend that I don't care about other peoples opinions, I actually do. We all do to some degree, especially gymnasts. I gain momentum when I hear positive feedback. I like praise, just like a dog! I know when I am doing a bad job. In lots of cases, I don't need to be told what I am doing wrong. I work better when I am praised on the things I am doing right. There is no better feeling than knowing that someone has noticed your effort. But on the flip side, there is no worse feeling than being called out for your lack of preparation. And my lack of preparation was completely out of my control. I prepared the best I could...I’m just not “there” yet. Almost.

I don't think any sort of negative feedback will help my quest. I might crumble and crumbling is not a good thing unless it's crackers into soup. What would be the opposite of crumbling? Maybe confidence? Maybe "put together"? Maybe "whole"? Well, whatever it is, I want to be exactly that. Crumbling is weak and I want to be strong!

I made a list of pros and cons before I made my decision. There were many on each side of the list, but the one that really stood out was my main goal and priority: To be at my best in Beijing. Right now it’s still too early. I need to protect myself. I need to keep things positive. I need to set myself up for success. Can you imagine if I took a landing and it was a little too hard and the plate in my leg flared up? Can you imagine if I went out there and fell on my arse on every pass on floor? What would people think? What would people say? What would Edouard, our National coach, feel about my chances of being ready? I would be down in the dumps and I don’t want to be there. I want to feel alive and inspired!

In my mind, 2 months is enough time. I know myself and I know my body and I know that 2 months is the optimal amount of time for me to turn it on and get GREAT! Before Athens I was further behind in my preparation than I am now. I just started tumbling around this time 4 years ago. My ankle injury kept me out of Nationals, but I was focused and I was committed to being in my best form for the Olympics. I believe that I can do this again.

So, of course, the loaded question:

Will this effect my chances at earning a spot on the team?

And the answer:

Everyone at Gymnastics Canada has been extremely supportive. My spot will not be jeopardized. They trust me. They know that if I say I am not quite ready to compete then I am not quite ready. But when it is time to show my readiness at the camps, I will. I am experienced and I have never missed a routine in Olympic competition. I care more about this than anyone else does. My life is invested in this. And they know that.

I am very thankful that I have this trust and support. It really does mean a lot.

I have been assured that I will be invited to the camps and I will get a fair shot at making this team. I will earn that spot. I don’t want it handed to me. I want to show that I deserve to represent Canada at my third Olympic Games.

Yesterday (Monday), at training, Edouard came in and checked out my progress. He was very impressed! I showed him a routine on floor with full difficulty middle passes and basic first and last lines. Then I did a couple sky high Arabian double pikes and full in dismounts. I vaulted 5 great Yurchenko 2.5’s. I hit highbar and ring routines too…He seemed excited and told me I look great. That’s not an easy compliment to get out of Eddy!

So, I guess you could say that I am on the verge of readiness. I am feeling really good. I am getting strong, lean and my routine shape is coming. I just need a little more time before I suit up into my tight singlet and little short shorts and show the World that Kyle Shewfelt is back and ready to go!

Kyle

ps- I also wanted to let everyone know that my new website (www.kyleshewfelt.com) has been launched and my blogs are available there. Please let me know your feedback!

www.kyleshewfelt.com

Important "Things to Do"

Firstly, there is a new amateur sports TV Network in the works for Canada. How exciting! Please go to the CASN website and show your support!

This is something that I believe needs to become a reality. Athletes deserve to be recognized and the country deserves to be inspired!




Secondly, the CANFUND has an awesome fundraising campaign called "$8 for 08.08.08". The goal is to have 50,000 Canadians donate $8 to the Canadian Athletes Now Fund. Think about it, if 50,000 people donated only $8 that would be $400,000. WOW! Who can't afford 8 bucks? I just donated and I think you should too. Here's the link:



I have received the CANFUND numerous times and it is an amazing initiative that recognizes the importance of funding Canada's amateur athletes!




Now I want to know how many of you actually acted on this! Let me feel like I have some POWER!!! Soon, I will take over the world!!

Thanks,

Kyle
www.kyleshewfelt.com

Are Pain and Exhaustion Rewards or Punishments??

Hard work leads to so many things. It leads to progress, increased confidence, improved strength and a sense of pride and accomplishment. But what I am finding lately is that hard work also leads to pain and exhaustion!

For the past couple of weeks, I have been coming home after training and struggling to keep my eyes open. My usual routine is to get home around 5 pm, have a visit with my best TV friend, Ellen, and make some dinner. Well, recently I have been adding a 20 minute nap session to that routine. It's all I can do to feel alive enough to cook. I hope Ellen doesn’t mind my absence for the short nap. I know, I know, I should really just dance, but it’s hard to bust a move at half effort.

The reason I am so tired is because I have been working hard. So hard that when I am not in training; I am in a constant state of pain and exhaustion.

Yesterday I went to my parents for dinner and I was unusually quiet at the table. I am usually blurting out stupid things and embarrassing my family (they always tell me to remember my "family dinner filter". I don't have one, I'm sorry!), but not yesterday. I was too tired to be a joker. Then, right after we were finished eating, I just had to lie down. So I did so right in front of the refrigerator in the middle of the kitchen floor. I planted myself there and didn't move. I couldn't move. It was 7pm and I was ready for bed!

Luckily my little cousin, Delaney, thought that it would be fun to crawl over her big cousin Kyle, which kept me awake for an extra little while. If I didn't have a rug rat digging her chubby legs into my chest then I would have been out for the count right there!

So here's my question: are pain and exhaustion rewards or punishments??

I believe that there are two types of pain and fatigue. There is the type that I had right after surgery...I'm pretty sure that was a punishment, if not for me then for those around me! haha. It was brutal and I never want to experience pain like that again. OUCH! Then there is the kind of pain and exhaustion that I am experiencing right now. I would have to say that this type has been well earned.

When you are an athlete and you NEED to close your eyes, your body is telling you that you have done well. When your brain says "sleep", it's actually telling you that you have put your full effort forward and you need to recover. When your body says, 'please don't move' or "holy crap, your back is broken", what it is actually telling you is that you've done well and you need some time to rest.

I try to recognize these feelings as rewards. But why oh why does a reward have to feel so awful sometimes?

I guess it's because success is a process. If a task provides instant gratification, then it's not worth doing. Rewards need to be earned. Sport is all about pushing yourself through the times that 'feel' like punishment. This is the factor that really leads to accomplishment of your goals.

The past few weeks have been pure hard work for me. I have been trying to approach each day knowing that I need to squeeze out every ounce of potential that it holds. I know that every day, and every turn for that matter, is going to make a difference. I guess I've always known this, but now I am facing a time line of 2 months and I seem to feel the urgency a little more than usual.

I am making up for a lot of lost time. I haven't had the luxury of doing routines for the past 9 months. In fact, I just started putting them together. What I have to do is to find a balance between reaching my maximum potential each day and going so hard that I end up killing myself and my body. There is a fine line between the two sides and I am trying hard to stay firmly on the edge of one (the maximum potential side of course!).

Right now is the time when I have to take 3 turns to my teammates 1. I have to practice extreme focus on each turn as well because I don't want to get hurt. I don't think I can handle another setback and so I am trying to protect myself while still pushing myself. This is an incredibly tiring time for me because I am giving everything I have when I am in the gym. I am not saving a bead of sweat or a millisecond of focus for when I am finished. My day is basically done when I walk out of the gym and get into my car (My mind and body are complete mush as I'm writing this actually...).


Even though I have been extremely exhausted as of late, I feel great about the way things are coming along. This hard work that I have been doing has already produced awesome results. The blinders are on and I'm on a mission. For those of you who know me, you know that this can be a very powerful thing!!!

I just hope that soon the rewards are a little less tiring and painful!

Kyle

Resisting Temptation

So, I have some news that I am quite proud of.

This past weekend, the LONG weekend in fact (you know, the one I was whining about a couple of posts back) we had the option to have Saturday AND Sunday off. My wish to have some sort of long weekend came true, but surprisingly, I chose to forgo the 2 days off and spend some quality time in the gym!

The reason why this was such a monumental and heart warming occasion was because it really set the stage for my entire week. By making this choice I felt totally empowered. I felt content because I did the right thing.

Sure, having the weekend off and going camping would have been awesome, but it wouldn't have been a productive contribution to my mission. There will be plenty of time for relaxation later, but right now is the time where I need to be thinking, eating and breathing gymnastics.

Why is it that resisting temptation makes a person feel so powerful?

For me, I think it just adds fuel to my "motivation" fire. The more I decide to invest in the process, the more I feel I get in return. When I make an honest choice to go into the gym on an optional day off I feel like I am telling myself and the world that I really do care. That this is a priority and that I recognize it's importance.

Making good choices is a wonderful feeling and going in on Sunday was a super choice. The benefits of this decision have definitely been felt and appreciated by my mind, my body and my spirit. I feel a lot of strength and a lot of belief right now.

This has been an awesome week so far.


K.

Conquering Fear

Yesterday was the day.



I had been dreading/anticipating this day since the injury occurred.

I knew the day would come. I knew I would have to be strong. I knew I would have to block out the past and focus completely on the present.

Yesterday I landed my first Arabian double pike on the real floor and it felt amazing.





This was a tremendous victory. Maybe more than anyone will ever know.

The last time I did this skill on the real floor was August 27th. It was the day I broke both of my legs and it was on a move very similar to this, hence the anxiety!

Overcoming the fear and facing the challenge made me feel like a hero. It really did.

I was so nervous before doing this skill. I didn't want to let the flashback of Germany and the loud thud of impact creep into my mind, but for a moment they did.

But this day was different. This day I felt like I was more powerful than that memory. I felt like I would be safe. I felt like it was time to pound that fear into the ground...literally. Die Fear, Die!

Now, over the course of the next two months, I am going to have to remove the mats and land this skill solidly on just the floor. But, after jumping over this initial hurdle, I think I'm going to be alright. Small victories have been the key to my progress and I'm gonna keep trying to have them every single day.

You've gotta love a breakthrough!

Kyle

Double Flip

Whoo Hoo. I can finally do DOUBLE flips on the real floor again. Single flips are for losers!!! Just Kidding.

I finally decided that it was time to bust out 2 rotations. My confidence in my legs is growing fast. I feel strong and tight when I punch and the landing only has minimal pain. I think it's just the initial thud that is disheartening. The last time I heard a thud, my legs snapped. Thuds are not good.

Before I took my first turn of a full twisting double back I was super nervous. I didn't know if I would get lost in the air or what the impact on landing would feel like. My heart was pumping, I had that lump in my throat and I was trying to convince the courage to come out of my belly. I took some small, quick breaths and then went for it.

I was super cautious on the first one and so I landed and rolled back. Safety first. But this video below is of my third attempt and it looks pretty good. It was an exciting moment for me!




Now, for Olympics, I am going to have to add one more twist to this AND do it at the end of my routine. No problem. I just have to keep pushing myself and it will come. Not today, not tomorrow...probably not this month, but it will be there when I need it. I trust that.

Kyle

Long Weekend Blues

Today was not a good day. I was thinking too much.

I was thinking too much about Nationals. Too much about Olympics. Too much about the possibility that all of this hard work could end with me not quite making it.

I don't think this way too often. I try to believe that it will all work out in the end. I try to come into the gym with a plan and attack my work. This is the way I like to live life, but today...today was different. I had no love for flips.

I was fixated on the long weekend coming up. As I watched the news this morning and saw the forecast for Calgary (basically sunny and 22-25C all weekend) I got really down. I call it the "long weekend blues". Why you might ask? Why would I get sad when I think of a long weekend? Well, long weekends do not exist when you are preparing for the Olympic Games.

I get so jealous of those who are able to go camping and relax. I get jealous because I can't remember the last time I had this opportunity. 3 days off (eating and drinking the entire time most likely) is a death sentence when you are 14 weeks away from your biggest competition.

I know that I have made this choice and this is what I want to be doing, but I guess things are starting to become a bit monotonous ( same thing, 6 days a week can get old fast) and I am hearing all of the excitement in everyone's voices as they get ramped up for the May long.

I know I am doing something more constructive and so many people would kill to have the opportunities that I have, but sometimes, for a second (or a day!) I wish that I could just rid myself of this commitment and be completely and utterly spontaneous and irresponsible.

I know that I will look back on this post in a day or two and be over it, but I guess I just want to feel sorry for myself for a moment. Gymnastics always wins. It always has and it will continue to trump everything for atleast the next 3 months.

I guess I'm just scared that at the end of this I might look back and wish that I would have relaxed a little more and enjoyed the sunshine...



But, you know what? Come to think of it, September Long is always an option! Actually, I am making the commitment to that RIGHT NOW. I am going camping on September Long. Nothing, and I mean nothing, will keep me from roasting marshmallows, swimming in the river and hiking in the mountains on that weekend.

OK. Feel the Love, Kyle. Don't feel sorry for yourself. This is your choice. There are no more days to waste. Suck it up and be happy that you get to spend the weekend in the gym! Everyone else will come home hungover, tired and sun burnt and I will be strong, fit and further along!

I sometimes swear that I have psychological issues...I have asked Hap if I need to be prescribed something and then he writes me a prescription on his little pads. It always reads, "Breathe, Relax, Chill".

I'm breathing. I'm trying to relax and tonight I'm just gonna chill.

Tomorrow is another day. And I have to work double hard to make up for the pitiful day I had today.

K

I'm an Uncle!

What an exciting weekend!

My brother Scott and his "soon to be" wife Michale (pronounced Michelle) are the proud new parents of my little nephew, Mason Phillip Shewfelt.

Everyone is super excited about the new addition to our family.

I can remember when they told me they were pregnant. It was when I was broken and living at my parents place. Scott, Michale and her son Caleb (well, their son, but hers...you know what I mean) were living there as well waiting to move into their new home. It was a little bit of a surprise, but a good surprise.

I have never seen my bro glow like the way he did today. It makes me want to cry just thinking about it because he has always been the tough guy. The one who doesn't show emotion. But today, something was different. He softened up instantly. You could see that he had experienced love in a way that he never had before. I asked him if he felt and instant connection with his new son and he said that as soon as Mason looked at him he was forever changed. How awesome is that?!

Congratulations Guys!!!!! I promise to be the coolest uncle ever!

Kyle

Vault is coming along too!

Holy, Video Madness!

Check out this vault. Not the best landing, but the speed and power are almost back to where they were pre-injury. I still feel like I am getting caught up a bit during the last couple of steps when my legs are going fast, but this feeling diminishes more and more each week.

Arabian Double Pike...almost

This will be my biggest struggle.

I am trying to find ways to make this skill feel more comfortable. I need to do it. I need to go through the motions. But I also need to really protect myself from a bad landing. I just started to do this skill on the real floor last week. I put the huge porta pit in for my landing for maximum protection.

Watching this back, it doesn't look too good to me. But I have to keep in mind that this was the first day I did them on the real floor and it can only get better from here. My power is almost back to 100%. I do feel fast and quick as I tumble. I just need to be a little tighter on take off and be more confident on landing. I don't think I will be landing this on the real floor with no mats until well into July, but I'm OK with that. Before Athens, when I had my ankle injury, I didn't land my double double on the floor without a mat until podium training. I stuck it in competition. I need to believe that this can happen again!

Middle 3

This will be my second line. I have had to adjust and do the final element in a piked position because tucked just isn't working for me and the GIANT plate in my leg! I think piked looks much better though and it is something that will set me apart from the rest of my competitors. Being unique is good! It's just too bad that it isn't significantly rewarded anymore...



Below is my third line, but I am missing a twist in the third element. I am planning on doing a whip to 2.5 twist and punching into a 1.5 twist. Here, I am only doing a front half. This was a huge hurdle that I jumped over though. Being able to punch out of an element going forwards was a big fear of mine and I overcame it! I still don't feel 100% on this skill, but it gets smoother and more powerful every day.





Below is my fourth line. It is a front double twist, punch front layout and then a full twisting dive to prone. This is a signature skill for me and I have been using it in my routine since 2000 when I broke onto the scene! This line is pretty messy right now, but the fact that I can punch out of a double twist and then again out of a layout is a huge victory! I just have to keep doing more and it will get cleaner and cleaner!

High Bar

1st Half of my routine...notice the awesome catch on the def! Uh huh, that's right!

My legs fly apart, but that is a little detail that will be fixed as I come closer to Beijing. Sometimes you just need to do a bunch and get confident with your release time. When I know I am going to catch before I even let go then I am able to focus more on my form.





This is the last half of my high bar routine. It's easy for me. I am trying to make every part as smooth and clean as possible. I am not going to have the highest start value on highbar, but I just want to be able to do a clean and consistent routine for the team. I want to be a guaranteed hit so that my teammates like Nathan, who have a way higher start value, can relax a bit and focus on nailing there routines...rather than just staying on so the team doesn't have to count a fall.



High bar is a tricky event. I would say that it is the event that plays the biggest mind games on a gymnast. You have to control the bar and not let it control you. But when it all comes down to it, it really is just a giant piece of steel that is 15 feet above the ground. The potential for disaster is so huge!!!

One of the things that I have a hard time getting my head around is how it can feel so simple and easy one day, but then feel impossible the very next one. Sometimes I can jump up and hit a routine without any warm up, but other days I have to take 5 turns just to feel like I am on planet Earth. As competition time comes closer, the good days outweigh the bad ones, but when one of those bad days occurs it is so frustrating!!!! Sometimes I just do simple elements because I know that I would probably smash my face on the bar if I tried a Def! The only thing is, the more you avoid your problem, the worse it gets. You eventually have to find a way to turn the bad days into good ones...and I'm still working on finding that solution. I've found something that has worked pretty well though. I try to apply this motto:

"I'm gonna smile through the bad days!".


Smiling can instantly change your mood. It's pretty hard to be angry and frustrated when you appear to be happy!

K.

Basic Routine

I love my basic routines! Especially when I can do them on the REAL floor!

Transferring onto the "Real" Floor

During the past month I have been trying to really push myself to get things transferred from the tumbling strip onto the "real" floor. It has been a battle. My body has definitely been telling me that there is more impact on this floor, that's for sure! I have had some awesome shin splints and tight calf muscles. Actually, pretty much everything hurts...all the time!

Confidence has also been an issue (surprise surprise). I completely trust my legs on the softer tumbling strip, but I sometimes second guess their strength when I get onto the real floor. The more I do, the better it seems to get though.

As you will be able to see in the video's, I am taking many precautions to ensure that I am going to be safe and that I am not putting myself in a situation where I am just asking to get hurt. I am using lots of mats and making sure that I'm warm and ready to go before I take a turn.

Focus is essential. I need to approach every turn with maximum focus and presence. This takes a lot of energy, but I need to make sure that every time I do something I am doing it with good intention. I don't have time to make mistakes. I don't have time to have something go wrong. I need to use my time very wisely!




Above, I am doing a 1.5 to front full to piked front (which is a timer for my 1 3/4 roll out. It took me a while to get the rhythm back and to trust my knees when I take off out of a twist into another twisting element. I was really freaked out that my knee was going to pop out if I landed a little crooked. It almost feels normal now! Phew!




In this video I am doing a whip into a 2.5 twist. The part that hurt the most on this element was the forward landing when I had a lot of momentum. The mat definitely helped to soften the impact. No matter how much it hurt though, I just kept on doing it. It got better every day and soon I started to feel like I would be able to punch out of the two and a half...


In this video I am doing a front handspring to double twist. Again, the mat is my best friend!

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------



OK, so I am not enjoying writing this post at all...I have to admit that I have been very slow at getting these videos up. It is weird for me to write these posts because I feel like I am making up for lost time and playing a huge game of catch up. What I'm gonna do is just post all of my videos and start fresh from there.

Sounds good?




Enjoy the progress!

Kyle

Happy Birthday to me!

The time has come once again to celebrate my birth! May 6th, 1982. That's right...I'm officially 26! Thanks Mom and Dad!

Get out your party hats and kazoo's...this one will go down in history!

I'm excited. I am going to have a great Birthday week. I am all booked up for some delicious dinners with friends and some mixin' and mingling at fun establishments all week long. I am going to have a little get together at my new place on Friday night (everyone has to bring a pillow or lawn chair because I don't have any furniture yet!) and I have named it the Potluck. Pilsner. Pivot. Pass Out. Brunch! That is short and creative for Dinner, Drinks, Dancing and celebrating all night long...and then eatin' some greasy breakfast to get rid of the headache! Every one has to do it once in a while just so you remember why you shouldn't do it all the time!

This will be one of my last hoorays before I eliminate hangovers from my pre-Olympic training regime. I am really looking forward to a good night out with tons of laughs and good times. I have been busting my tail and I think I deserve it.



I have a feeling that I will have a great training today. Training on your birthday is always a weird experience though. I get this sense that I need to have a great day so that my birthday will turn out good. Essentially, I want to start my new age off on a positive note! If I have a bad day then my whole year could be jeopardized! haha. Not really, but birthdays are all about smiling, being surrounded by friends and family and enjoying the day to its fullest. And that is all I want to do!

Cheers to being 26 and looking back on life with no regrets!!

Kyle

On the right path, but experiencing Hardwood Hell

This is literally the first time in the past few weeks where I have had a moment of freedom to actually sit down and write something about my life. This will be fun!

I've had a couple of 'heeby jeeby' experiences occur. Let me share.

Like I've said before, I am not a religious person, but I do believe in the power of thought. I also try to recognize situational energies (have you ever had someone who just gives you a bad vibe???) and see meaning in occurrences. By this I mean that I try to see the world for more than it appears to be on the surface.

I will give an example: a few weeks ago, my friend Helen, who was a badminton player at the 2004 Olympics, changed her status on facebook to "movin' to Ontario" or something along those lines. So I sent her a quick note saying that we should try to connect before she moves. Well, not even 2 days later, I was at a pub for lunch with some friends (Kate Richardson being one of them. For those of you who don't know Kate, she is Canada's greatest female gymnast ever and a great friend of mine and she was in Calgary for the weekend...) and who walks by??? Helen! I don't think this was a coincidence. What I think it meant was that both Helen and I are following the right paths.

Then, another old friend and high school classmate added me on facebook (I'm not one of those crazy facebookers, I only check it once or twice a day. I swear!). Well, a day after that we literally bumped (like one of those, "Oops, I'm sorry for crashing into you" bumps) into eachother at the U of C. Again, I don't think it was a coincidence. Just another confirmation that I am on the right path.

I think that attitude plays such a huge role in the happenings in our lives. Last Thursday, when mean Mr.Westhead wrote that garbage, I felt like the universe was hating me. Everything seemed difficult. I noticed all of the red lights that I got stopped at. I noticed my pain. I was in love with my suffering and I was pretty hideous overall. To top it all off, I had to park at the back of the parking lot and walk really far to the gym.

Well, just a couple of days ago, Monday I believe, I was in a great mood. Sunshine, Lollipops and Rainbows gallore. I made a decision that I was going to attack the day and be super positive and optimistic. Well, wouldn't you know it, when I pulled into the parking lot, it was jam packed, except for one empty spot in the first row! haha. That's what you call Karma baby. Karma. Oh yeah, I also won a free coffee on roll up the rim to win that day. Pretty special.

The way you approach situations is a choice. Your attitude is a choice. Happiness is a choice. You can feel sorry for yourself as long as you want, but it will not make things feel better. There comes a point in time when you have to decide that you want to feel good. I struggle with this. Sometimes it just feels like things are spinning out of control and no matter how hard I try to grasp onto some sense of control, there is always something keeping it out of reach.

Actually, I got a little anxious and almost panicky about 2 weeks ago when I was in RONA. I felt like the walls were closing in on me and I just had to B line it out of there. It was not a good feeling and I felt that way because I was letting everything that I couldn't control rent way too much space in my head (Kelly used to always say this!). After a breathing session (it's the only thing that works...) I decided that I needed to be proactive and start coming up with solutions and not excuses.

The thing that was pissing me off was the situation I have been experiencing with my hardwood. For those of you who haven't heard the intimate details of the never ending saga, I decided to hardwood my condo. Good idea, but bad choice on company! It has been a month today since I got possession of the place and it has taken them that long to NOT finish the job.

Listen to me, wah wah wah, my hardwood isn't done. I know, I know. If hardwood is my biggest problem then I don't have much to worry about. But no, it's not the hardwood that has been bothering me. It has been the lack of attention to detail, the broken promises, the invasion of my space and the impossibility of comfort. You can not feel settled in a new place when there is friggin saw dust and saws in your living room.

I am a planner. I like to think 10 steps ahead so that I can be prepared for the worst. Well, in this scenario, I did that. I got the wood in my place before I even got the keys. I tried to set it up so that the job would be done before I moved in. It really shouldn't take more than a week to install hardwood...but no, it didn't get done. And the situation and environment was starting to drive me wild...

I tried to be calm. I tried to not let it bother me. I tried to stay positive and encourage the guy to get it done. I tried, but it seemed like 20 minutes of work was enough for the day. Not cool. Finish the F**&ing JOB dude!!!!

I don't lose it often. I am pretty chill. Plus, I am little and I don't like controversy. But the thing is, I can only keep my cool for so long...

Today was my breaking point. I flipped out. I actually Yelled! And I said about 20 F bombs (I talk like a trucker sometimes). Man, did that feel good! There were times in the past 2 weeks where I thought that I was being harsh with them, but apparently I didn't get my point across.

Let's hope that today will be the second to last day that I have to see those idiots.

Never ever ever buy floors from "Floors R US". I should have known by the name, but I didn't trust my instincts!

Anyway, over the past 2 weeks since my little spaz attack in RONA, I decided that I wasn't able to control the workmanship, but I could control what I did each day to make myself feel less vulnerable. When the installer left crap all over my counters, I put it all in a box when I got home. When he left saw dust everywhere, I swept it into a nice pile by his saw. When I noticed something that didn't look right, I stuck an orange sticky note on it. These things made me feel like I had some sense of control over the situation.

Also, when I left for gym, As soon as I closed my door I tried not to talk about or think about my hardwood (that was very very difficult and I can't say I was totally successful all the time). If I did think about it, I would try to think of how nice it will look when it's done. It will look great ( I would love to say it DOES look great, but it WILL will have to do for now)!

So doing those little things helped me. I actually think that they helped my gymnastics. This process has been a huge distraction for me, but I am figuring out ways to turn off the world when I am in the gym and just focus on my task at hand. What happens at home gets left at the door when I walk into the gym. No excuses. No regrets.

I flipped out today because it's been a month and I am ready for them to be done. It's time. End of story. And I really hope that 'scary Kyle' worked and they get the job done tomorrow so that I can start filling my place with friends and wine. I need to have a housewarming party before I become a well-behaved and almost dry athlete...


Regardless of my flooring situation, it's been confirmed to me that I am on the right path!

Check back soon for video evidence!


Kyle

Treadmill

Why do people drive to the gym so that they can run inside on the spot (unless of course, it's winter)???

Spring is here...time to get outside and enjoy the scenery! I love the change of season from Winter to Spring. It makes me feel alive! Spring to Summer is even better...



K

Endurance Routine

This video is of something I like to call an 'endurance routine'. It's sole purpose is to help me gain some cardiovascular strength so that I don't die before my last couple of passes on the real floor.

It's crazy how your mind and body change when you are tired and staring into the corner for your last pass. Your legs feel like jello, your throat feels like it's bleeding and your mind starts spinning in circles. This, my friends, is not a good feeling. And there is only one way to overcome it...and that is by increasing your endurance!

I have been doing tons of these endurance routines in training. I am trying to go through atleast 2 each day. Some days I don't do as big of tumbling as the one above, but I am trying to keep my body moving constantly from line to line.

I have always done these types of routines. Actually, at my old club (Altadore), I didn't do a SINGLE floor routine on the real floor from 2000-2004 ( I would do them in training camps at other gyms, but never in my home gym). I would do basic and endurance routines on a tumbling strip. I did this for a number of reasons. First, safety. The environment was soft and safe and I could do higher numbers of reps because I wasn't risking an injury. Secondly, motivation. I am more motivated to train when I can just tumble until my hearts content. Thirdly, mind over matter. When I was in great shape I could do all of my hard skills, but some days I would be tired and would need to keep it simple, but still maintain a level of conditioning and endurance build up. If I did an endurance routine with easy tumbling skills, I could still mentally pretend that I was preparing myself for a double twisting double back, but instead do only an open double tuck.

I am a firm believer in smart training. I don't push myself too hard on the days when I know I am tired and mentally mush! I do, however, push myself in mindless ways, so that at the end of the day I know that I have advanced in some way. I have teammates (Dub and Bren!!!!) who will start their floor routine, make the first 3 passes and then screw up the 4th and start again from the beginning. By the time they have reached missed routine # 4, they are disengaged, they are hurting and the chance that they will make the routine on try #5 is slim to none. I don't think this is the right way to go about it. I just don't see the benefit. If you can't make a routine after 3 tries, then obviously something isn't right. This is the point when I would take control and go through 2 basic routines. 2 basic routines are going to be much more beneficial in the end because you are still building up endurance, but not killing your body!

This past couple of weeks have really been great for me inside of the gym. I can feel myself starting to gain some ground on my Olympic goals and I have really been enjoying my time in the gym (maybe because it is a great escape from moving and renovation hell!). I have been completing a lot of tasks and leaving the gym feeling very satisfied.

I came up with a great analogy the other day. My gymnastics and this journey towards Beijing is like a giant puzzle. From the moment I injured myself, I have been slowly putting the pieces together. Every day I have to put atleast one piece in it's place. Some days I put 10 in (those are the best days!!!). I don't know exactly what this puzzle will look like when it's complete, I have a vision of it, but I do know that it will be beautiful and very rewarding. It's my job to ensure that I am committed to finishing it. Some of the pieces are very tedious, like all of the ones that are the same colour, but different shapes (like a sky for example), but I think I am almost done with those ones. It is now starting to become the time when I work on the detailed pieces.

These endurance routines that I have been doing are making me feel like I am working towards something very tangible. They are a GIANT section of the puzzle and they lead to an overwhelming sense of productivity. Once you have the outsides of the puzzle done and you start to work your way in, the pace of accomplishment increases. Once you have completed more than 500 pieces of a 1000 piece puzzle, well, you are more than half way done. I like thinking along these lines. Momentum is powerful ("holla" to all you science geeks out there). I feel very powerful.

The pace is fast, my endurance is increasing, I am making progress and this puzzle is coming together quite nicely.

K

Engine Light

Life can be tough. Sometimes it can feel like everyone and everything is out to get you. No matter how hard you try to get ahead, there is always something new that is trying to pull you down.

Here's an example: You think you have total control over a situation and everything is running smoothly, but then, mysteriously, your freakin' engine light comes on. We've all had that happen! It just happened to me yesterday and I was super bitter. What the hell?! Why now! When things are finally starting to wind down and I feel some sense of control over the occurrences in my life, my bloody engine light has to come on and make things just a little more complicated. What did I do to deserve this? Why did that light just happen to have turned on when I glanced at it while driving down the road? It was like it was taunting me. "Haha, sucka! Try fitting this inconvenience into your busy life!". Sometimes I wonder if engine lights are programmed to turn on once every 40,000 K just so that the dealerships can make an extra $600. I wouldn't put it past them. And the thing is, you can't ignore that light. It is bright, it is orange and it stares at you every single time you turn your car on. Personally, I wish that it will magically disappear one of these start ups. Vroom Vroom...no more light! Unfortunately that probably won't happen. I'm gonna keep wishing though.

There really are two ways to view a crappy situation like this. One way is to do just what I did above and lay blame and be an angry and bitter soul. It really doesn't get you far though. It gets you frustrated and panicky, but it doesn't solve anything.

Luckily, there is another way to view the situation; You can be positive and put your energy into solving the problem. Wow. It sounds so simple. I should just phone the flippin' dealership and book in, shouldn't I?!

It happened, deal with it.

I guess this post is a little personal therapy session for me. I want to continue to be in a state of contentment and optimism, but I slowly feel like life, not gymnastics, but life, is dragging me down. I let the little things build up and then I have a freak out. All I want is to be able to focus solely on gymnastics and my Olympic preparation and not have to continually be juggling a million different errands. I know what you are thinking. I know that this is the way life is for everyone, but I also know myself really well and I know how I work. I work best when I go to bed dreaming about my routines and not about my car breaking down!

K

Va-Va-Va-Vaulting!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

On March 22nd, 2008 I did my first Vault in since August 26th, 2007.

That was almost 7 months in the making.

We had a training camp with Edouard at Calgary Gymnastics Centre and I decided that on this particular Saturday morning I was going to get over that table! I think my main motivation was that I was off to Oakville the next day to spend some time with Kelly and to tape CBC's "Test the Nation" and I wanted to leave Eddie with a good impression!

It was one of the most amazing experiences I have had in a long time. Flying down the runway and flipping over the table is something that I had taken for granted before my injury, but not anymore!

I almost forgot how incredible it felt... Not quite, but almost! As a gymnast, you get a special feeling when you are standing at the end of the vault runway. Your breathing gets shorter and your heart beats faster. Your eyes are peeled on the table 25 meters down the run way. It's the epitome of single minded focus! It's just you and the apparatus. You are filled with adrenaline because you know that for the next 4 seconds you are going to have to be as quick and powerful as you possibly can. You have to explode out of the starting blocks! But, you also have to maintain some sort of control so that you can be precise in your movements. You get a rhythm as you run down (I noticed that my rhythm was totally off for the first few) and you trust that your steps are going to put you in the perfect place to hurdle towards the board. I start my run at 24.65 meters. Yes, that extra 5 cm makes a difference! haha. I take my board at 50cm. I put my hand mat at 1 of my feet plus an inch and a bit away from the board. Oh yes, it is very precise. There is no messing around!

You know what was a little weird though? I almost forgot my ritual. It had been so long since I had set my board. But once I set it a few times there was an amazing sense of belonging and comfort in it. It felt like I was home.

Within a couple of vaults, my run felt pretty normal (except for the plate burn...which is becoming normal) and I gained confidence with each turn.

It was a great way to end the camp. It was also sort of vindicating for me because it was another accomplished milestone in this comeback process.

The next morning I was off to Oakville. I was really excited to see Kelly and to show him my progress! I knew that he would be impressed!

I was also super excited that I had another event to train!!!

I was so excited that I vaulted everyday!


(This is a Yurchenko Double Twist)



And within 3 days, I was back to my old self.

(This is a Yurchenko 2.5. That's right gym fans...a Shewfelt. I had this move named in my honour after I competed it at the 2000 Olympic Games. I was the very first gymnast to perform this skill in World or Olympic competition and therefore I got it named after me!)


I can't say that it didn't hurt. I still feel like I am running on one and a half legs, but it did feel better each and every one. I have a sneaky suspicion that I am going to be in a bit of pain for the next while, but the great thing now is that I am able to haul my ass down there and decently flip over the table.

That, my friends, is called progress. And we all know how much I love PROGRESS!!!!!!!

Boo yah.



It was a wonderful week hanging out with Kelly, Sue and Barrett again. I miss them tons. I always seem to come back to Calgary with such a great attitude after I spend some time there. My favourite part about spending time with Kelly is that he knows me so well. He knows when I need a push and he knows when I need a compliment. He is my comfort; and right now, with all of the discomfort I am experiencing with the changes in my life, he has a way of reminding me of who I am. When everything you thought you knew does a 180, you can sometimes feel lost and confused. My time with Kel allowed me some time to escape, to get away from the insanity that is my current life and to just focus on gymnastics. It's exactly what I needed.

Now I am home, I have the keys to my new place and the stressful process that is called 'moving' has begun! I am trying to keep a steady pace and make it as stress free as possible, but for those of you who have ever moved, you know that the unexpected always happens!!!! My plan is to be fully moved into my new place by April 16th (I hired movers for that day so I better be ready!). I can't wait until it is all said and done. It will be a huge weight off of my shoulders.

Not to worry though. My priorities are in line. I'm just excited about a time (soon!) when all I have to worry about is what I will have for dinner after I'm done evening training! That will be so nice!

Kyle

March Running Madness

As March began, there was one thing on my mind.

Sprinting at FULL speed by the end of the month.

Now that March has come to an end, I thought that I would reflect and update on the process.





Things started off great. I was determined. So determined that after the first day of running drills and various leg exercises, I could barely bend over and touch my toes because my hamstrings were so tight!

This led me to meet with Dr.Mohtadi to get some anti-inflammatory meds (Oh, how I love the anti-inflams!) .



During the first week, Susan (being the creative individual that she is) found a knee wrap with a little air pad in it to provide compression on the site of the plate. I obsessively followed the rehab plan, doing bungee exercises and heel to bum lifts with electric current on my hamstring, all in the pursuit of running with no pain.

Another exercise I did (quite hideously, I might add) is called a mountain climber. To perform this drill you lean over into a prone position with your nose, knees and belly button all pointing towards the floor. Then you drive your knee up to your chest like you are climbing a mountain! Well, I could do it 100% on the right (which, I guess is something to be proud of!), but negative 100% on the left...which was really concerning. It would seem that gravity, or the fight against it, caused me burning and frustrating pain...kind of like a sky diver who's parachute didn't open (that's a little morbid, Sorry).

So, at the beginning of the March 10th week, a little less than half way through "March Running Madness", I decided that I needed to take a more aggressive approach. I couldn't combat the pain anymore...in fact, it overpowered me in every way and I didn't stand a chance against it!



This led to another meeting with Dr.M and we talked about the options. He suggested we try a cortisone shot. Firstly because the anesthetic we had injected in February had worked quite well and secondly because at this point I was willing to try anything to get rid of the *%^&ing pain! I have always been a little wary of cortisone shots because I have heard that they can make you very arthritic when you get older. I know that this gymnastics thing is going to end one day and when it does I would like to be able to crouch down and crawl on the floor with my kids (when I have them of course...after I make "getting a life" more of a priority!!haha).

I decided that this was necessary. If it could provide me with the extra relief that I craved then it would be worth it. So, on March 10th, I laid there and did my best to avoid watching the GIANT needle squish in. I felt the fluid go up my leg, I bled a little bit and then I went on with my merry day! Yes folks, I got cortisoned! That sounds so much dirtier than it really is!



I was so hopeful that this would be the magic cure, the thing that would take that edge off and allow me to sprint as fast as I could pre-injury.

Following Dr.M's instructions, I took it easy on the Monday and then tested it out on Tuesday.

It felt good, but not incredible. There was still some achy, burning pain in my leg.

Damn it.

I was disappointed. I wanted this to be that instant miracle cure. Why did this injection not numb the pain completely?

Wednesday came and it started to hurt more than before the shot. Was it in my head??? Did I want it to work out so badly that I was actually convincing myself that it was worse than before because it didn't feel 100% better?

I don't know what was going on, but all I know is that the burn was still there and I got a little pissed off.

The thing that made me the most upset was that I could sprint in my head. No problem. In my head I was fast, smooth and powerful. Physically, I could jog well, pick up speed well, but when it came to 'full out legs faster than your body, 'Fred Flintstone style' running, I was unable to do it. My legs (especially the left) just couldn't keep up and it was so annoying!

(In the video, I am sprinting on the track at the Olympic Oval. It looks pretty normal, but believe me, I felt like I was running on one leg)

(Here, more sprinting...and the mats are all like that because they are taking the ice out. This way we can have summer sport activities held there, like the Canadian National Gymnastics Championships!)

The whole experience of getting the shot and having it fail made me feel a little trapped.

I couldn't push myself to get to where I needed to be...and I was trying. Apparently I have an issue with this patience thing sometimes!

I got a little down. I felt defeated. I felt lost. I felt like there was nothing else that I could do. I had tried everything and nothing seemed to get me past that point of plateau.

But, in true Kyle fashion, I over analyzed it to death and came up with a solution. A better outlook. A new glimmer of hope.

Sure, the shot didn't work. Well, I guess we tried it and now we know. At least I won't have to get any more needles in my leg!

Sure, I had been busting my butt with physio. But you know what, even though I couldn't run at max speed, it was getting better. The pain was definitely less than it was at the beginning of the month. I did have more definition in my legs, which is very important when your legs are skinny to begin with!

These types of thoughts changed my perspective. I tried to keep telling myself that I was making progress. I decided that I needed to focus on this. I needed to continue doing the strengthening, continue to manage the inflammation with anti-inflams, continue running with pain, but also try to convince myself that it was a pain I could handle.

I am one tough motha f%#a and nothing is going to stop me from reaching my goal!!!!!!!!!!! Repeat.

This new attitude didn't come in an instant, it took a couple of days, but holy smokes did it change things. Attitude, approach and outlook are incredibly powerful...on both ends of the positive/negative spectrum. If you decide you feel great then you have a better chance of approaching situations with a positive outlook. Little things won't get to you. You'll see the green grass! But if you are down then everything seems like it is out to get you. That grass is brown and burnt to crap! haha.

I've come a long way. I am almost where I need to be. Remember, back in September, when I was sitting in a wheel chair and staring at the wall??? I am so far past that now! I still have time. More than enough time in fact. I just need to make sure that I am absorbing this time with positive energy, enthusiasm and belief in myself. It's guaranteed that this time will pass, very quickly I'm sure, and I need to make the most of every single moment.

My goal for the end of the month was to sprint at full speed. I am sad to say that I am not quite there yet. I tried, but full speed just didn't happen. I'm OK with that though. I'm OK with it because I know that I did everything I could do in pursuit of the sprinting goal. I've come so far and I am choosing to focus on this success and progress.

Now, because of my recent busy personal life, I haven't really been keeping the blog up to date with where I've been and what I've been up to. So here's the condensed version: We had a camp in Calgary and then I spent last week in Oakville with Kelly. Both were great. And, I am happy to say that I have a surprise for you...and personally I think it's even more exciting than sprinting on a track with shoes.

Can you guess what I did???

Stay tuned!

Kyle

A Letter For Kyle

Olympic gold medallist Kyle Shewfelt wheels his way to a news conference last September to discuss his injuries and recovery time for 2008 Olympics. The Canadian gymnast broke both of his knees and suffered ligament damage after an awkward landing while training for the 2007 world championships in Germany. (Jeff McIntosh/Canadian Press)






A Letter for Kyle

Even Olympic champions can face roadblocks


By Scott Russell, CBC Sports Weekend
Monday, March 24, 2008


This is just to say I'm cheering for you, Kyle Shewfelt. I know that, technically, I'm not supposed to. You're an athlete and I'm a broadcaster. Convention says my relationship with you should be an impartial one. Let's pray that no one reads this then. I'm behind you a hundred percent my friend! You are a champion and I know that you can be again.

When you won that gold medal on the floor exercise in gymnastics at the Athens Olympics, well, it was something I'll never forget. You took on the Russians, the Romanians and the Americans, all the "big boys" of your sport, and you were just that much better. To see you standing there with the laurel wreath on your head, the gold medal hanging from your neck, having become the first Canadian gymnast to ascend Olympic podium was simply awe inspiring.

To hear you say what you did at the end of the day was like music to my ears. "I love gymnastics," you said. "This means the world to me."

That's why it hurt so much to arrive in Stuttgart, Germany, last September to cover the attempts by the men's team to qualify for the Beijing Games and find out that you had broken both of your legs in a training exercise. But there you were, in the wheelchair, locked into horrible looking splints and full of confidence that the guys would qualify without you. Then you figured you'd be back in no time and you'd all win a medal together in China.

Have confidence, Kyle

I guess it's been a little tougher than you first imagined. Still, I know you'll figure it out. I have confidence in you.

Hey, I was speaking with your old coach the other day. Kelly Manjak feels your pain, I'm positive of that. How could he not? After working with you from the time you were six-years-old until you won that medal, he became your "rock." Then he moved to Ontario to have a family and left you in good hands back in Calgary but, as you know, he's followed your every move since.

Kelly told me, during the course of our conversation, that he thinks you were even better just before the injury than you were when you won the Olympic medal. The moves were more difficult, the routines more intricate and your preparation to take on Beijing was beyond question. "It was very difficult for me," Kelly said when he heard about the broken legs. "Kyle phoned me just before the Stuttgart championships and he was so happy and excited!"

Kyle Shewfelt wears his gold medal after winning the floor exercise at the 2004 Olympic Games in Athens. (Kevork Djansezian/Associated Press)

So now, I know you're coming here to hang with Kelly for a week or so and get a little advice. Good idea. After all, you always told me that he was so important to you when things got rough.

"Kelly is a part of my family," you said. "I guess he's my comfort zone and I know that his love for me as a person and as an athlete is unconditional."

For his part, Kelly Manjak is squarely in your corner Kyle. He's a believer. Get set for a week of "blue sky" thinking because that's what this is going to take. Kelly is counting on the fact there's no time to waste with fretting about whether or not the comeback is worth it. "He has to see something good in everything right now," Kelly figures. "I will encourage him to make the best of each day."

This is all wrapped up in your significance as a Canadian athlete, Kyle, your place in history, if that doesn't sound too high and mighty. After all, you became a symbol to a lot of people in this country when you won in Athens. I'd covered gymnastics at the Olympics for quite awhile and the thought that a Canadian could be "top dog" ... well, it was just a pipe dream!
Canada found its champion

Then you came along.

Kelly Manjak knew that in you he had lightning in a bottle.

"Kyle has been so important for Canada because of what he has proven to younger gymnasts," Kelly said. "He has proven that winning is possible. That you are what you think you are."

It's up to you Kyle. You are what you think you are. I can't imagine the pain you must be enduring. I've seen the pictures of the physiotherapist bending your scarred legs and you stifling the screams. I hurt every time I see you trying to run and I wince when I understand that an excruciating hobble brings a smile to your face because you believe you're making progress. I wonder how you do it. I wonder why you even try.

You once told me something about winning that gold medal in Athens. As I recall, you always believed that the victory was not the end of the story but just another chapter in the book.

"Being an Olympic champion doesn't completely define a person," you said. "But I also know because of it that anything I want to achieve in my life is possible and I guess that has given me confidence to move forward."

Shewfelt became an international force on both the floor and vault exercises. (Getty Images)

Always looking ahead and never retracing your steps - that's you Kyle! This struggle is just another plot point in your drama. It's like that old Japanese marathoner once claimed. "Welcome the suffering - only then will you know how to reach your limits." That's sage advice for someone who wants to be a champion!

I'm sure you're heading back to the gym, Kyle, to continue the grind. Just wanted to let you know that I was thinking of you and hoping for the best. If anyone can make this happen, you will. I understand that you can't continue to send your video diary because you've really got to get down to business and concentrate on making this comeback happen. But don't forget to keep me up to date with those little beacons of hope that you rattle off from time to time.

You know, the little messages you send ... like this one: "Regardless of the way everything turns out, I think that this journey is going to define me far beyond my athletic accomplishments. I am becoming the person I have always aspired to be. But, no need to worry, I'm not quite done yet."
I won't worry Kyle. I'll just keep cheering for you and wish you all the best with your efforts to get to the Olympics in Beijing.

Just keep it to yourself ... will you?

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Scott,

Thank you for writing this incredible column. I appreciate your support, I envy your passion and I am truly honoured to know you. What you do for amateur sport in Canada goes far beyond your broadcasting contributions...you are one of our biggest fans! That is clearly evident by the enthusiasm you display when it comes to our results and our journeys. So, thank you Scott. Not only for writing this inspiring article, but for believing in the potential of all of Canada's athletes. Keep up the amazing work. You are truly one of a kind!

Kyle

ps- There's no way I can keep something as special as this to myself (Plus, Simon Whitfield blogged it before I did...Simon thinks I'm a ninja! I think Simon is the fittest person (and one of the funniest) on the planet)! I guess I've always felt inclined to share anything and everything that inspires me... and this is definitely something that NEEDS to be shared! Thanks again!