Monday, October 20, 2008

Mountain Peak

I did a course today and we were asked to write a detailed description about an image very similar to this one. We could go in any direction our heart told us to. Some people were super positive and talked about the meaning, beauty and the accomplishment of reaching the peak. Some just touched the surface about the experience of climbing it and the sights, sounds and smells they could imagine.

Mine turned into something a little more morbid than I would have hoped, but I think it's a true reflection of some of the things I am dealing with right now.

"I put everything I had into conquering this massive beast. It meant the world to me. The vision I had of myself alone at the peak of existence, brilliant blue sky and crisp, tingling air touching my face was incredible. The journey to the top was beautiful. The challenge was overwhelming, consuming and it drove me beyond my preconceived limits. But now, as I am perched on an ash coloured boulder, I feel alone. I don't feel the serenity, solitude and calmness I expected. I feel empty and anxious. My toes are frozen. My heart is heavy. I am disappointed in myself because I have reached the ultimate and I can't appreciate it's marvel. Instead of being silent and content, breathing in every ounce of this dream, I am fixated on what comes next and how in the world I will make my way down."

What would you write about?


Monday, October 13, 2008

It's been a while...

I literally have not signed in or typed the address in over a month.

I don't know exactly why I have been avoiding it.

Last time I was here, I tried to complete my "Olympic Experience" post (still in the works). It brought incredible memories back to my heart, but it also felt like I was forcing myself to say what people wanted me to say. I never intended this to be a place where I told people what they wanted to hear...and I don't ever want it to be that.

I feel like I missed out on a beautiful opportunity to capitalize on the buzz that was created about this blog during the Games. I feel guilty that I didn't take advantage of that, but on the same page; I know that life most definitely will go on. Blogs don't make the world turn.

I'm sure many of you have been wondering what has been going on in my life post-Beijing. I'll be honest with you, it's been a mix of emotions. I am in a position where I am trying to figure it all out. What do I want to do? Where do I want to go? Who do I want to be? I was so singularly focused on the Olympics that I almost forgot that life does exist beyond sport. I have been taking a nice long break from training and trying to tend to the life I have beyond it. I have gone in to the gym, conditioned and played around, but I haven't done any real "gymnastics" in 2 months. The break has been nice and much needed. My body and brain were tired, in fact, they still indication that I put absolutely everything I had into my Olympic prep.

Once the Olympic dust settles - a month or so after the Games actually end; it becomes particularly hard. You can't hide behind that 'Olympic' mask forever. That mask does become a really good excuse for not getting around to things. I have a list of a million and one things that need to get done that I just couldn't give any energy towards before the games. I'm slowly pecking away it, but it seems like the list just keeps getting longer and longer!

The good thing about today is that I am starting to feel the reemergence of the writer in me. It's kind of exciting actually...I feel like I am almost far enough removed from the Olympics that I can look back on it and know what went on. It's always a whirlwind and impossible to digest right away. Sometimes, for a while at least, the last thing you want to think about is the Olympics.

I do have many updates, lots of exciting news and some pretty deep thoughts roaming around in my head right now. One day soon, this blog train will start rollin' again...