Life is beautifully busy at the moment, but balance is something that I am struggling to maintain.
I started University again 2 weeks ago and it has added an amazing amount of items to my already long "things to do" list. One thing that I realized very quickly after starting school was that I had managed to make time in my schedule for 'class time', but I didn't really consider the amount of time I would have to spend on projects outside of class. HA! Stupid me.
This University experience, at the ripe age of 28, has been a little bit of a rude awakening. On one hand, I am totally enjoying my classes and I can feel my brain growing (seriously, I felt the right side of my brain pulsing the other day). I like my classmates and I enjoy the consistency that school provides for my schedule. I also really love having a list of tasks with due dates and crossing them off. But on the other hand, I hate the fact that I feel like I have lost a sense of balance in my life.
I've realized in this first couple of weeks that I need to fit in some exercise everyday. Moving my body should not take the back seat to a paper or a project or an email. I've realized that if I don't get to spend a little bit of quality time with Kristin then I feel lost. I've realized that I have to be super efficient with my meetings, phone calls and emails or I end up wasting a lot of time. I've realized that I have to have a written master list of everything that needs to get done or the list will keep circling around and around in my head. I've realized that I need to have my meals pre-planned or I forget to eat. I've realized that I get a sense of power when I get things done before deadlines and that I need to know the requirements of a project inside and out before I start to tackle it, otherwise I get really frustrated and overwhelmed and end up doing a half assed job. I've realized that I need to be on the ball and have all of my notes, notebooks, project plans, meeting plans and to-do lists mapped out and ready for the next day before I go to bed or I can't sleep.
Sometimes I have questioned my decision to go back to school. I hear a little voice in my head that asks, "You're actually paying money to have this amount of stress?" But I know that there is a reason why I registered. That reason is: I want to keep progressing. I don't want to feel stuck. I want to gain some really applicable skills. I want to further my broadcasting and business careers and nothing is going to be handed to me on a silver platter. I need to earn everything that comes next. And doing this is going to get me ahead. It is going to give me a sense of accomplishment. It is going to give me a sense of purpose.
This past spring, when I decided to go back to school, I came to a very clear conclusion in my life. That conclusion was: I don't want to sit around and wait for my life to unfold. I am not satisfied with being where I'm at. I want more. I want to start gaining confidence and security in being good at something other than gymnastics. Being an Olympic Champion is not who I am. It is something that I've done. And I am not going to live a fulfilling life if I continue to believe that riding on those coat tails will make me feel alive. Because, quite frankly, it doesn't. I am ready to take some risk. I want to become more and it's not going to happen unless I make it happen.
I have to keep reminding myself that going back to school is the right thing. I know deep down that it is. I just have to be aware and make sure that I pay close attention to maintaining a balance in my life. That is going to be the key!