Today I swung for the first time in exactly 3 months. It felt...well, it felt weird.
I never realized the amount of stress and friction swinging on the highbar causes. My wrists and hands were killing me after a couple of turns.
I was extremely cautious when I was up on the bar. I was afraid of kicking too hard in the bottom of the swing and having massive pain in my knees. I was also afraid of falling and having no way of saving myself. If I was to accidentally fall off of the bar I would be screwed because I wouldn't be able to land on my feet. It would be literally impossible for me to absorb the landing. So, I just did simple giant swings and then I would break my swing and gently fly off the bar onto my back.
I never realized how hard this "getting back into gymnastics" process was going to be. Progress has been made, but I still feel so far away from my goal. I feel like a beginner. I remember how I did everything and how it felt, but when I got up onto the bar today I felt like I hadn't done it in a really long time...say, 3 months! I was seeing stars and my heart jumped into my throat a little bit the first few swings around. The adrenaline was pumpin' for sure.
Taking this step and finally getting the guts up to start swinging again did make me feel more like a gymnast though. I forgot how much I missed the whole ritual of putting on my wristbands, grips and chalking up to get ready for my turn. It also felt pretty amazing to experience that weightless feeling that I love.
I don't know why today was the day that I decided this needed to be done. I guess there has been a little voice inside of my head that has been telling me that it's time and I finally conceded to it. It's not that I didn't want to start swinging again, it's just that it had been so long and I was afraid that it might not feel right. I think that is my biggest fear right now. I am afraid that things are going to continue to be painful (not the kind that you can work through, but the kind that tells you that you are not ready) and this is just going to prolong the length of the process. It has already been long, I know it will be longer, but I don't want it to be impossibly long...you know what I'm saying...
I guess I have to start somewhere. Today was a step forward. I didn't crash. I didn't get hurt (except my poor hands!). I took initiative and pushed myself into doing something that I was afraid of.
That's a pretty productive day.