Friday, September 02, 2011

Stuck

I am at a standstill. 
My mind is frozen. 
I keep running into a brick wall. 


I am working on a big website revamp and at the moment, I am completely and utterly paralyzed.
I have written everything else, but I saved the hardest part for last.
The Bio and About Me.
I like it better when someone else writes these types of things for me. 
I don't know what to share. I don't know what people want to hear. I don't know what sounds impressive…(am I even supposed to sound impressive? Perhaps that's my problem) I keep having a battle with my villain. I write the same thing over and over again, hoping that it will be different. Oddly enough, it never is.


What I'm struggling the most with is sticking a stake into the ground and taking ownership for something. I feel the need to write a lot about the past, yet I am so focused on the future.
I am focused on what can be. I am focused on possibility.
I am not focused on what was. It's done. 


I had a conversation the other day with a friend's sister who is a fashion designer in London. We talked about having to let go in order to become something new. She wishes she could throw her old collections into the middle of the street and watch cars run over them. I found this very intriguing.


We dedicate our lives to something and then it comes to fruition. But once it's done, it's done. Why does the the world want us to define ourselves by what our past entails? Why do we have to write biographies?


I start to edit before I even write. My inner critic is judging me. "That doesn't sound good", he says.  I am on the verge of giving up. Being on the verge feels like a lump in my throat. It would be so easy to say, "Screw it, I'm over this. I'm not doing it. It doesn't matter". But it does matter. I want my story to be told in the perfect way. I don't want it to be dry. I want it to be funny and have character. I want it to be interesting and to capture what I stand for. Why is it that when we live through our experiences it is so difficult to make them sound exciting? Should writing your own 'bio' and 'about me' pages just be outlawed? That would make life easier.


I tend to be very critical of myself and get stuck in patterns. This I know is true. 


I guess sometimes the best way to cure a writers block is to take a step away and stop judging the fact that it isn't working. I think that's what I need to do. 


I am going to read a bunch of other fun bios and see if they spark something new inside of me. Because the reality is; I get to write what ever I want. It doesn't HAVE to impress anyone except for me.


I love you blog. Thanks for helping me gain perspective once again.


5 comments:

Maria said...

"All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another."

I've always found this quote resonant - and it felt so connected to what you've written here.

Kyle Shewfelt said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Kyle Shewfelt said...

Beautiful quote Maria. It's very resonating. Want to write my bio? ;)

Lauren said...

The trick is relating what about you and your past is important to who you are now and what you have to offer people-why you are the man for the job or why they should read what you have to say (depending on the goal of your site). We are who we are because of our accomplishments and challenges in our past and I am very sure they are what make us ready for our future. I am sure it will come to you :)

Kyle Shewfelt said...

Thanks for the great advice Lauren. It's coming along nicely now ;) How's your book?!