Thursday, July 03, 2008

Intense Time Bomb

Today was the start of our second Olympic selection camp and it was a great day. The sun was shining (28 C here in Calgary...not even close to the 40 degree weather we'll get in Beijing though!), there was intensity in the gym and everyone looked like they brought their A game. By the end of the camp, which is Monday, we will know who will represent our country in men's gymnastics at the Beijing Olympic's about friggin' time!

This week, I am really looking forward to showing the improvements I've made over the past week and a half since our last camp. My confidence is higher, my trust and belief in myself are elevated and my physical condition is way better than it was even a week ago...everything that I wanted to start coming together is starting to come together and it is so satisfying. Ahhhh...

I am also looking forward to testing myself again in a competition situation. We have 2 test meets, one on Saturday and one on Monday and I am feeling very prepared. I am almost at the point where I am excited to show off how far I have come. Weird.

My heart and soul are deeply invested in this process. It's like I have fallen madly in love with the potential this dream holds. There have been a few days in the past week where I have been on the verge of tears, not because of sadness, but because of joy and pride. I am absolutely loving my physical, mental and emotional conditions. Physically, I don't think I have ever been so strong. I have amazing endurance (and it will just continue to improve!), I feel like skills and routines are starting to become easier. Mentally, I feel like I have a really good grasp on whats important right now and I feel like my perspective and approach are very positive and peaceful. Emotionally, I feel like I am willing to give everything I have within myself.

I want to dream about my Olympic performances every minute I am away from the gym. I have found myself more often than not laying in bed and visualizing myself standing on the floor waiting to compete in Beijing. I am trying to make these dreams feel as real as possible because when I am actually at the Games; I want to feel in control of the situation, very present, alive, conscious, prepared, determined, confident and trusting of myself and my ability to show off my gymnastics. I guess you could say that I am starting to feel that inner warrior come about and it is such a rewarding feeling because I know that it's my hard work that has brought me to this point.

One thing that has been a little freaky, but also motivating, is how close we really are to the Games. A mere 35 days today. Holy F*@%! Time flies when you're having fun! I have been dealing with this constant ticking of a time bomb by trying to approach every training knowing that it is essentially one training closer to the Games and I need to make it worthwhile. The number of trainings that we have left are limited and the number becomes slimmer by the day. I don't want to back away. I want the time bomb to explode into a powerful and confident performance and not into a million little pieces of "what could have been". I want to know that the deadline is approaching and I want to push myself further than I thought I could. I want to go home every day knowing that I did everything I could do on that particular day to come closer to being ready. I have to admit that sometimes I wish I could stop time, or atleast slow it down for a minute, but then other times I wish that we were only 20 days away so that I could start being even more intense.

I faced a truth about my intensity this week. Sometimes I am in complete denial about it, maybe because I have always been slightly envious of a life with no pressure and responsibility, but when push comes to shove, I am INTENSE. Super intense. One of my closest friends put it into a great context the other day when we were out for a "one pint" Canada Day celebration. We were talking about life and how some people wait for life to happen. They are passive, go with the flow and take things as they come. Then there are the people who make life happen. They are aggressive, always looking for solutions and can't settle for mediocrity. I have always been this type of person. I don't just sit around and wait for opportunities to come my way. I can't. I meticulously plan and make sure that I am putting energy into the right direction in order for my dreams to come true. I realized that intensity is a quality that I possess and I feel very privileged that I am this way.

Some people in this world are afraid to dream and to push themselves beyond their limits. I don't know why, but some people are content with living a life with no responsibility or challenge. Sometimes I feel like I would love a life like this (especially when things are stressful and pressure filled), but then I get realistic and understand that this would never be a way that I could live life. I would feel so unsatisfied. What would be my purpose? I need to accomplish. I crave it. I need goals, I need direction and I need passion. Without these characteristics, my life would not feel complete.

So, as the next 35 days pass, I am going to be as consumed by this process as I can be. I am going to be as focused and intense as possible. Why? Because I want to be at my absolute best in Beijing and being intense is how I will get there.

Tick Tock, Tick Tock, Tick Tock.



Margot said...

I've heard many times that your blog is definitely one to read and it's true. It's fantastic to get a peak into how you are feeling and all the preparation, struggles and achievements you go through on the way back to the Olympics.

Also, (evident in the recent CBC special) I found myself referring to you as a "patron saint" of this sport in Canada to a fellow fan as you take on such an important role as leader, offering your support and experiences to your fellow gymnasts and fans.

Keep it up and thanks for the little glimpse into your life. It's great to see the process behind the final routine(s)!

Dez said...

You Can Do It. Stay Calm! You Can Do it. Be at Peace. You WILL Do It.