This is literally the first time in the past few weeks where I have had a moment of freedom to actually sit down and write something about my life. This will be fun!
I've had a couple of 'heeby jeeby' experiences occur. Let me share.
Like I've said before, I am not a religious person, but I do believe in the power of thought. I also try to recognize situational energies (have you ever had someone who just gives you a bad vibe???) and see meaning in occurrences. By this I mean that I try to see the world for more than it appears to be on the surface.
I will give an example: a few weeks ago, my friend Helen, who was a badminton player at the 2004 Olympics, changed her status on facebook to "movin' to Ontario" or something along those lines. So I sent her a quick note saying that we should try to connect before she moves. Well, not even 2 days later, I was at a pub for lunch with some friends (Kate Richardson being one of them. For those of you who don't know Kate, she is Canada's greatest female gymnast ever and a great friend of mine and she was in Calgary for the weekend...) and who walks by??? Helen! I don't think this was a coincidence. What I think it meant was that both Helen and I are following the right paths.
Then, another old friend and high school classmate added me on facebook (I'm not one of those crazy facebookers, I only check it once or twice a day. I swear!). Well, a day after that we literally bumped (like one of those, "Oops, I'm sorry for crashing into you" bumps) into eachother at the U of C. Again, I don't think it was a coincidence. Just another confirmation that I am on the right path.
I think that attitude plays such a huge role in the happenings in our lives. Last Thursday, when mean Mr.Westhead wrote that garbage, I felt like the universe was hating me. Everything seemed difficult. I noticed all of the red lights that I got stopped at. I noticed my pain. I was in love with my suffering and I was pretty hideous overall. To top it all off, I had to park at the back of the parking lot and walk really far to the gym.
Well, just a couple of days ago, Monday I believe, I was in a great mood. Sunshine, Lollipops and Rainbows gallore. I made a decision that I was going to attack the day and be super positive and optimistic. Well, wouldn't you know it, when I pulled into the parking lot, it was jam packed, except for one empty spot in the first row! haha. That's what you call Karma baby. Karma. Oh yeah, I also won a free coffee on roll up the rim to win that day. Pretty special.
The way you approach situations is a choice. Your attitude is a choice. Happiness is a choice. You can feel sorry for yourself as long as you want, but it will not make things feel better. There comes a point in time when you have to decide that you want to feel good. I struggle with this. Sometimes it just feels like things are spinning out of control and no matter how hard I try to grasp onto some sense of control, there is always something keeping it out of reach.
Actually, I got a little anxious and almost panicky about 2 weeks ago when I was in RONA. I felt like the walls were closing in on me and I just had to B line it out of there. It was not a good feeling and I felt that way because I was letting everything that I couldn't control rent way too much space in my head (Kelly used to always say this!). After a breathing session (it's the only thing that works...) I decided that I needed to be proactive and start coming up with solutions and not excuses.
The thing that was pissing me off was the situation I have been experiencing with my hardwood. For those of you who haven't heard the intimate details of the never ending saga, I decided to hardwood my condo. Good idea, but bad choice on company! It has been a month today since I got possession of the place and it has taken them that long to NOT finish the job.
Listen to me, wah wah wah, my hardwood isn't done. I know, I know. If hardwood is my biggest problem then I don't have much to worry about. But no, it's not the hardwood that has been bothering me. It has been the lack of attention to detail, the broken promises, the invasion of my space and the impossibility of comfort. You can not feel settled in a new place when there is friggin saw dust and saws in your living room.
I am a planner. I like to think 10 steps ahead so that I can be prepared for the worst. Well, in this scenario, I did that. I got the wood in my place before I even got the keys. I tried to set it up so that the job would be done before I moved in. It really shouldn't take more than a week to install hardwood...but no, it didn't get done. And the situation and environment was starting to drive me wild...
I tried to be calm. I tried to not let it bother me. I tried to stay positive and encourage the guy to get it done. I tried, but it seemed like 20 minutes of work was enough for the day. Not cool. Finish the F**&ing JOB dude!!!!
I don't lose it often. I am pretty chill. Plus, I am little and I don't like controversy. But the thing is, I can only keep my cool for so long...
Today was my breaking point. I flipped out. I actually Yelled! And I said about 20 F bombs (I talk like a trucker sometimes). Man, did that feel good! There were times in the past 2 weeks where I thought that I was being harsh with them, but apparently I didn't get my point across.
Let's hope that today will be the second to last day that I have to see those idiots.
Never ever ever buy floors from "Floors R US". I should have known by the name, but I didn't trust my instincts!
Anyway, over the past 2 weeks since my little spaz attack in RONA, I decided that I wasn't able to control the workmanship, but I could control what I did each day to make myself feel less vulnerable. When the installer left crap all over my counters, I put it all in a box when I got home. When he left saw dust everywhere, I swept it into a nice pile by his saw. When I noticed something that didn't look right, I stuck an orange sticky note on it. These things made me feel like I had some sense of control over the situation.
Also, when I left for gym, As soon as I closed my door I tried not to talk about or think about my hardwood (that was very very difficult and I can't say I was totally successful all the time). If I did think about it, I would try to think of how nice it will look when it's done. It will look great ( I would love to say it DOES look great, but it WILL will have to do for now)!
So doing those little things helped me. I actually think that they helped my gymnastics. This process has been a huge distraction for me, but I am figuring out ways to turn off the world when I am in the gym and just focus on my task at hand. What happens at home gets left at the door when I walk into the gym. No excuses. No regrets.
I flipped out today because it's been a month and I am ready for them to be done. It's time. End of story. And I really hope that 'scary Kyle' worked and they get the job done tomorrow so that I can start filling my place with friends and wine. I need to have a housewarming party before I become a well-behaved and almost dry athlete...
Regardless of my flooring situation, it's been confirmed to me that I am on the right path!
Check back soon for video evidence!