Today was not a good day. I was thinking too much.
I was thinking too much about Nationals. Too much about Olympics. Too much about the possibility that all of this hard work could end with me not quite making it.
I don't think this way too often. I try to believe that it will all work out in the end. I try to come into the gym with a plan and attack my work. This is the way I like to live life, but today...today was different. I had no love for flips.
I was fixated on the long weekend coming up. As I watched the news this morning and saw the forecast for Calgary (basically sunny and 22-25C all weekend) I got really down. I call it the "long weekend blues". Why you might ask? Why would I get sad when I think of a long weekend? Well, long weekends do not exist when you are preparing for the Olympic Games.
I get so jealous of those who are able to go camping and relax. I get jealous because I can't remember the last time I had this opportunity. 3 days off (eating and drinking the entire time most likely) is a death sentence when you are 14 weeks away from your biggest competition.
I know that I have made this choice and this is what I want to be doing, but I guess things are starting to become a bit monotonous ( same thing, 6 days a week can get old fast) and I am hearing all of the excitement in everyone's voices as they get ramped up for the May long.
I know I am doing something more constructive and so many people would kill to have the opportunities that I have, but sometimes, for a second (or a day!) I wish that I could just rid myself of this commitment and be completely and utterly spontaneous and irresponsible.
I know that I will look back on this post in a day or two and be over it, but I guess I just want to feel sorry for myself for a moment. Gymnastics always wins. It always has and it will continue to trump everything for atleast the next 3 months.
I guess I'm just scared that at the end of this I might look back and wish that I would have relaxed a little more and enjoyed the sunshine...
But, you know what? Come to think of it, September Long is always an option! Actually, I am making the commitment to that RIGHT NOW. I am going camping on September Long. Nothing, and I mean nothing, will keep me from roasting marshmallows, swimming in the river and hiking in the mountains on that weekend.
OK. Feel the Love, Kyle. Don't feel sorry for yourself. This is your choice. There are no more days to waste. Suck it up and be happy that you get to spend the weekend in the gym! Everyone else will come home hungover, tired and sun burnt and I will be strong, fit and further along!
I sometimes swear that I have psychological issues...I have asked Hap if I need to be prescribed something and then he writes me a prescription on his little pads. It always reads, "Breathe, Relax, Chill".
I'm breathing. I'm trying to relax and tonight I'm just gonna chill.
Tomorrow is another day. And I have to work double hard to make up for the pitiful day I had today.